Kamala Harris slays a fox

Today’s Big Stuff. October 17, 2024.

Important reminder: EARLY VOTING HAS STARTED IN NORTH CAROLINA! LET’S GO!

It’s Thursday. There are 19 days until Election Day. Trump’s town hall lie, the VP slays a fox and the tale of the cowardly turtle.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. We’d sound like idiots telling Bret Baier to go fudge himself to heck. 

Note: Sexy Patriots! It’s so great to see y’all today. We have a very special guest today, and we’re excited to introduce them. But first we wanted to make sure y’all saw this stupid shit Trump said yesterday…

LOL WHAT?! Now obviously this is some hardcore horseshit, but we are in the news business so we wanted to try and verify what we could. So here now is an interview with IVF…

TBS: Hey so is this guy your dad?

IVF: I’ve never seen that motherfucker before in my life. 

TBS: So he’s not a vocal proponent of you?

IVF: Not unless he thinks I stand for Intravenous Frenchfries.

TBS: Good one. So you don’t think Trump will protect you?

IVF: I don’t think he even knows what I am. He said he asked Katie Britt to explain it and she’s dumber than he is. 

TBS: Good point. So who are you voting for?

IVF: Jill Stein, baby! Just kidding. Can you fucking imagine? Kamala all the way! 

Ok so we went all Maury Povitch and it turns out that Trump is not the father of IVF. Thank goodness. We sure as hell wouldn't want IVF turning out like Don Jr. Y’all have a blessed day. 

Note two: Donald Trump tried to pay hush money to Stormy Daniels. This is a new story. We’re not even kidding. More: NBC News

Note three: Juicy Dumper (JD) Vance finally answered whether Trump lost the 2020 election. He said no. So obviously that asshole should not be vice president. But it’s been pretty obvious all along. More: Huff Post

Note four: A judge in Georgia struck down some more of the stupid shit Trump’s state elections board has been trying to pull. We’d be lying if we said we hadn’t been worried about this stuff. Nice to know some of this stuff ain’t happening. More: NBC News

Note five: We know y’all don’t need a reminder of the shame Trump brought upon this nation, but VP Harris’ campaign found some of the kids Trump separated from their parents and gave them a chance to tell their stories.

Note six: Our hearts are broken for One Direction fans after the shocking death of 34-year-old Liam Payne. 

Note seven: We had missed this NBC story about the Leader Hakeem Jeffries’ view of things, and it’s definitely worth a read. Can we please make this man Speaker of the House and send the Keebler Fascist back to his treehouse to make cookies? More: NBC News

Note eight: It seems super legit that the judge overseeing Elon Leon Musk’s bullshit lawsuit against Media Matters is a Tesla investor. You’ll never guess who appointed him. Ok fine you will. More: NPR

Note nine: You want to see Trump lie to an American’s face? It’s amazing. You can actually watch the guy deciding not to vote for him. This is some egregious shit. Let’s beat this man, y’all. Let’s beat him bad. 

Note 10: Ron DeSantis is getting sued by Floridians Protecting Freedom, the group driving the pro-abortion rights initiative. Mostly because he’s gone full fascist asshead and turned the state government against the initiative. We hope they do to him what Disney did. More: Associated Press

Note 11: THANK YOU, DARK BRANDON! The FTC finalized its “Click to Cancel” rule that is going to make it easy to cancel the shit you subscribe to and don’t use. We’re not gonna miss you, L.A. Fitness. More: NPR

Note 12: “New York Times to Cease Publication.” The Onion had us howling with this one. More: The Onion

Note 13: We’re glad that the AP did this story about Trump’s questionable health, mental or otherwise. Now they just need to do about a hundred more like they did to Dark Brandon and we’ll call it even. More: Associated Press

Note 14: We know we’re a broken record on this, but y’all should be watching the WNBA finals. More: Huff Post

Note 15: This clip of Dave Bautista calling out Trump’s fake masculinity is almost as fun to watch as the crowd reactions from Trump’s town hall…

Note 16: Elon Leon Musk and a couple other billionaire shitheels are trying to buy our country. Let’s tell ‘em we ain’t for sale. More: CNN

Note 17: Joe Biden has canceled $175 billion in student loans for 5 million people. That’s gonna make a real difference in people’s lives. Thanks, Dark Brandon! More: CNN

Note 18: Btw, the man who asked Trump about Jan. 6 is named Ramiro Gonzales. We’re damn grateful to him for having the guts that few people in the beltway do, and we sure hope he votes on our side. 

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we just wanted to warm your sexy hearts with this thank you note from VP Harris to President Carter… LINK

Note 20: And on that note that totally didn’t make us cry, let’s go do some news! The week is almost over so keep doing what you’re doing because it’s working. Love y’all!

Pretend to be shocked
In the next section, we’re gonna tell you about how VP Kamala Harris went into Fox’s kitchen and ate their cupcakes even though the asshead host acted like an asshead. But in this section we’re gonna tell you about how Trump’s town hall with that very same network on the very same day was made up of Trump supporters, including a delegate to the RNC. Oh and they edited out one of the women telling Trump she voted for him already. And Trump still managed to make a fucking fool out of himself. More: CNN

Fox for dinner
Well we were all nervous for her and as usual we didn’t need to be. VP Harris walked into Fox and stared down one of Trump’s bootlicks, flexing her muscles and making crystal goddamn clear that she’s not afraid to go anywhere. Host Bret Baier was a complete dick and kept interrupting the VP, and she stood her ground. She even called him out when he tried to use a sanitized version of Trump’s “enemies within” stuff. We were reminded of two things from that interview — Kamala Harris is ready to be president, and Bret Baier sucks. More: Huff Post

Pathetic
According to a new biography, Mitch McConnell cried while talking to his staff on Jan. 6. Then he turned around and endorsed the fucker who did it. In Michael Tackett’s new book, he writes that McConnell called Trump “stupid” and a “narcissist.” But again, he is endorsing the guy. The funniest part? When asked about his criticism, his staff threw Lindsey Graham and Vance under the bus, saying that they had said way worse stuff about Trump than Mitch did. LOL! What a wimp! More: Associated Press

Today’s clips
The Israeli military said Thursday it is "checking the possibility" Hamas leader Yahya Sinwar was among three militants killed in Gaza during its operations in the enclave. More: NBC News

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) in a new interview revealed why she rarely calls former President Donald Trump by his name. More: Yahoo News

Donald Trump on Wednesday congratulated Fox News anchor Bret Baier on a “great job” for his “tough but very fair interview” of Democratic nominee Kamala Harris. More: Huff Post