It’s debate week, y’all!

Today’s Big Stuff. September 30, 2024.

It’s Monday. There are 36 days until Election Day. Trump calls for “one really violent day,” Harris calls him out for being a chicken and the New York Times finally gets something right. 

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It used a lot of it yesterday when it heard Kris Kristofferson died.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, it’s finally here. The VP debate is finally here this week. Tomorrow night! Live from New York City! It’s The Coach vs. The Couch Canoodler! Super Friendly vs. Super Weird! Minnesota Nice vs. Ohio Odder Than Hell! Timmy Real vs. JD Thiel! The Guv vs. The Latex Glove In The Folds Of A Sex Sofa! Kamala’s Deuce vs. Trump’s Douche! The Dad vs. The Chad! The Fine Fella vs. The Furniture Fucker! Totally Normal Guy vs. Whatever The Fuck JD Is! Let’s get it on!

Ok so maybe we should take it down a notch. Especially since there are some reports that Coach Walz is nervous and hoping he doesn’t let VP Harris down. How goddamn endearing is that? We know he’s gonna do great, but we can also understand being nervous. And not just because the free world is at stake. But also because he has to stand on stage with a couch fucker who says messed up weird shit like this…

Yeesh! That’s how serial killers talk! Keep your distance from him, Coach Walz! You’re gonna do fine as long as he doesn’t filet and eat you or put you in a well in his basement to lecture you about childless women. We know the coach has got a big ol’ can of whoop-ass in his pocket and he’s gonna do great. And we also know it’s time Just Damndisgraceful (JD) Vance got exposed in front of the whole world. We can’t wait. Y’all have a blessed day. More: CNN

Note two: Our hearts are broken from the scenes coming out of the Southeast. North Carolina is devastated. Whole towns washed away. We have to assume hundreds are dead. We’re sending all the love we’ve got that way, and we will stand with those poor souls until everything is rebuilt because we’re Americans who aren’t dicks. More: 11ALIVE

Note three: It should probably be bigger news that Jesus’ Disappointment (JD) Vance is hanging out with people who talk to god about Trump and were involved in orange asshead’s last coup attempt. More: Huff Post

Note four: Steve Bannon is in prison for another month. So let’s enjoy the smell out here while we can. (h/t @macfarlanenews)

Note five: The world lost a giant this weekend. Kris Kristofferson was a raw, beautiful, true American. A veteran, a poet, an actor, a musician, a Rhodes scholar, a song writer and just an all-around bad motherfucker. It’s hard to overstate what a haunting song “Sunday Morning Coming Down” is to anyone who has ever struggled with alcoholism. But there’s also just super cool shit like this… (twitter)

Note six: Actor John Ashton died this weekend too. He was so great as Taggert in the Beverly Hills Cop movies. 

Note seven: Legendary University of North Carolina Coach Roy Williams has endorsed Kamala Harris for president. Huge in the Tar Heel State. 

Note eight: You know how ABC’s reporters fact-checked Trump’s lies and earned our respect as journalists? Well CBS is going the other way for the VP debate. More: Associated Press

Note nine: It was great to see Maya Rudolph back on SNL playing you-know-who this weekend. And Jim Gaffigan as Coach Walz was pretty great too. Just remember who’s going to protect your “Va-Georgia.” More: Huff Post

Note 10: It’s hard to overstate just how absolutely certifiably pants-shittingly insane Trump was this weekend. But here he is admitting that he stiffed his workers on overtime. We know we say this a lot but can you imagine literally any Democrat saying some shit like this and not having it be a massive media scandal?

Note 11: You want to hear something shocking? Rep. Anna Paulina Luna-tic wasn’t the nuttiest person in her primary. Also, she’s sending out concern messages about Helene and last week she voted to shut down the government. More: NBC News

Note 12: This weekend, there were two stories in major publications about Trump and Jellybean Doorknob (JD) Vance’s “bond.” We suggest instead you read this story about Springfield, Ohio and how Vance hasn’t even spoken to the mayor there. More: Politico

Note 13: Republican senators are already saying they would block Kamala Harris’s SCOTUS nominees, so we should probably go ahead and make sure we keep control of the Senate away from those shitheads. More: CNN

Note 14: Trump is going to Georgia today to throw paper towels at people. It would be nice if he would wait until the area didn’t need resources to rescue people, but we know he doesn’t give a shit about that. More: WTXL

Note 15: The best part about this appraisal from Moody’s lead economist is all the angry MAGA experts trying to argue with him in the replies. Gosh, fellas, why are you so upset the American economy is thriving?

Note 16: Did you read Melania’s book yet? We’re just kidding. Can you imagine?

Note 17: Elon Musk said on Twitter this morning that he wants to be the world’s first trillionaire. Also, Twitter has lost 79 percent of its value since the apartheid asshole bought it. More: Tech Crunch

Note 18: Tomorrow is President Jimmy Carter’s birthday. And that’s all we’re gonna say about that today because we aren’t jinxes. 

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we suggest you check out Kamala Harris’s interview with All the Smoke. It’s an awesome basketball podcast hosted by two former Golden State Warriors, and MVP crushed it. 

Note 20: And on that high note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had an awesome weekend. And we just know this is gonna be fantastic week. Especially after Tim Walz takes Vance to the woodshed. Love y’all!

Well that’s concerning
So Trump had a totally unhinged weekend, wherein he called Kamala Harris “mentally disabled,” said she should be prosecuted and called for “one really violent day” in which police are free to kill whomever they want in order to deter criminals from committing more crimes. We wish we were making some of that up, but it’s real. The closer the election gets and the more he realizes he could lose to a Black woman, the more dangerous and evil he is becoming. It’s actually pretty goddamn terrifying. More: Politico

Chicken Trump
While we’re terrified, Kamala Harris is going right at pumpkin puss, repeatedly bashing him for being too afraid to debate her. While Trump was at the Georgia-Alabama football game this weekend, the Harris campaign flew planes overhead accusing Trump of “punting” on another debate. At a packed rally in Vegas last night, she said she’s “all-in” on another debate even if Trump is trying to fold. We love this line of attack. It must be driving Trump crazy. Or crazier. More: Independent

A broken clock
So we can all agree the New York Times sucks. A once great institution has chosen sane-washing and access-chasing over defending truth and democracy. But they actually got one right today — they endorsed Kamala Harris for president. Yeah, we know it won’t matter. But they are right that Kamala Harris is “the only patriotic choice for president.” They even wrote that “it’s hard to imagine a candidate more unworthy to serve as president of the United States than Donald Trump.” We agree, which is why we cover him like that. Why doesn’t the New York Times? More: Politico

Today’s clips
The Israeli strike that killed Hezbollah’s Hassan Nasrallah was a “measure of justice” for victims of a four-decade “reign of terror,” President Joe Biden said Saturday. More: Huff Post

The Kamala Harris presidential campaign just released a new health care plan.

It’s not her own plan, because she published that already as part of the broader economic agenda she first unveiled in late summer.

This time, it’s Donald Trump’s health care plan ― or, more precisely, what she and her team imagine that Trump would try to enact if he’s elected again. More: Huff Post

Hall of Fame center Dikembe Mutombo, one of basketball's most feared shot blockers, died following a battle with brain cancer, the NBA announced on Monday. More: NBC News