Ilhan Strong

It’s Wednesday. There are 279 days until the midterm elections. Noem vs. Gnome, getting ready for the Iran War and the battle of Minnesota continues.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it refuses to perform at the Kennedy Center.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we hate to tell you this, but things didn’t get magically less fucked up since yesterday. In fact, we’ve seen more violence and more stupidity, and it sure seems like both are just gonna keep getting worse as long as the president is a shit-for-brains asshole. We were already pissed off that he keeps messing with Minnesota. But then his goons started assaulting our reps…

Hell fucking yeah. Rep. Omar is doing well today after being attacked by some Trump scum with a syringe. That comes a few days after a Trump supporter punched Rep. Maxwell Frost. Where the hell are the crying CNN anchors worrying about civility? Does that only happen when it’s a racist Republican or a mayor whose town has been invaded? Well fuck the media. They were never gonna do a goddamn thing for us. Like we’ve always said, it’s on us to save us. And that’s why we are so grateful to Rep. Omar today. Not only did she make good and goddamn clear that “these fucking assholes are not going to get away with this,” but she was also ready to pop a nazi shithead in the mouth. Seriously. Watch this…

Yep. That’s it right there. That’s the spirit of America. And it’s tired of Trump’s bullshit. We’re glad you’re ok, Rep. Omar. Thanks for showing everyone we’re not afraid to fight. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Need some therapy? Yeah, us too. How about 3 p.m. ET/noon PT today? Awesome. We’ll see you there.

Note three: If you were wondering if Trump showed any concern about Omar… wait….there’s no way you were wondering that. He responded like the shit-eating dirtbag that he is. More: The Hill

Note four: We’d like to take a second to congratulate Trump voters. Not only did you kill Keith Porter, Renee Good and Alex Pretti, but you also brought back measles to kill some kids. Great work! More: NBC News

Note five: We can’t stop thinking about this. Watch this. We’re in awe.

Note six: Don’t worry, everyone. DOJ says it’s still working on the Epstein files, and of course we all believe them. Right? More: NBC News

Note seven: The making of Melania was just as gross and slimy as you imagined. People who worked on it don’t even want their names in the credits. They’ll sure take that paycheck though. More: Mediaite

Note eight: Gosh. Trump has lost the head of Latinas for Trump. We have to ask — why was it two dead white people that led to this realization and not the relentless assaults on the Hispanic community? More: NOTUS

Note nine: Bezos is firing another 16,000 people. So much for the golden age. But at least he won’t have to sell one of his yachts. More: NBC News

Note 10: We have sad news from the Treasury Secretary. Apparently your kid doesn’t even get the government-allowed one doll anymore. Sorry.

Note 11: The Republican response to Omar being attacked is exactly as disgusting as you would think. We’d say Randy Fine is a bucket of dog shit, but we’ve known buckets of dog shit with better personalities. NO LINK ON PURPOSE

Note 12: We were not always the biggest Jerome Powell fans. But we really love the way he ain’t scared of Trump. More: NBC News

Note 13: The problem here is not more training. The problem here is this is a fucking scumbag with a badge, a gun and a limp dick and he wants to hurt someone. Abolish ICE.

Note 14: Sam would like to take a second to apologize. A couple of months ago, he trashed the Louisville Cardinals basketball team. Since then, basketball karma has run over his beloved Kentucky Wildcats, put it in reverse, and backed over them again. Please stop, basketball gods. Please. More: Tennessean

Note 15: What does the Catholic Church have in common with Bob’s Discount Furniture? They’re both very disappointed in JD Vance. More: HuffPost

Note 16: It’s still cold and scary out there for a lot of the country. Please be safe! More: Associated Press

Note 17: LOLOL! Cankles is feeling the heat. Y’all get your protest checks yet? Yeah, us neither.

Note 18: We have to admit — it’s been kinda fun watching Trump give the NRA a heart attack. We hope they both eat shit. More: Mediaite

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to the NBA, where international superstar Victor Wembanyama is speaking out. We know it’s not exactly happy, but we’re damn glad to see more famous people speaking out…

Note 20: And on that extremely tall note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are staying warm and angry and sexy. And if anyone fucks with you, give them the Ilhan. Love y’all!

Noem vs. Gnome
The knives are out in the Trump administration. Stephen Miller is trying to throw Kristi Noem under the bus, and she’s trying to do the same to him. They are both rightfully under fire after smearing Alex Pretti as an “assassin” and “domestic terrorist.” Of course they did the same shit to Renee Good. We’re seeing more Republican senators call for Noem to go, and Ruben Gallego said he won’t vote to fund DHS until Miller is gone. Our read is that Miller is never ever leaving because he’s the guy who ties Trump’s shoes for him. But Noem might be in trouble. We’re still waiting for the piece of shit who calls himself president to reach out to Alex or Renee’s parents. More: Axios, Bloomberg

Here we go again
Trump continues to threaten Iran, and Lindsey Graham insisted on Fox last night that Trump is going to get the Iranian protesters’ backs. We’re seeing a lot of tough talk from Trump as he sends a carrier group to the area and threatens Iran with more violence. We’re shocked he’s actually showing up for the protesters instead of killing them. Our hope is that the people of Iran will be free. Our fear is that Trump doesn’t actually give a fuck about them. More: CNBC

Premature
While we were happy to see Greg Bovino get his little ass booted out of Minnie, the terror has not stopped. Multiple reports from on the ground in Minnesota said that ICE attacks were just as bad yesterday as they had been. It’s very obvious that Trump was looking for a way to appear like the good guy and get Senate Democrats to move on and fund DHS. This morning, Trump is back to threatening Mayor Frey and accusing him of “PLAYING BY FIRE.” For reasons we will never fucking understand, Tim Walz played along with this shit and was telling everyone that Tom Homan deserves “the benefit of the doubt” and “understands right and wrong.” WHAT? He’s talking about the guy who took $50,000 in cash in a CAVA bag, right? We realize Tim is in a tough spot, but this ain’t it. Hang in there, Minnesota. We’re still with you. More: BBC, NBC News, Mediaite

Today’s clips
Two federal officers fired their guns during Alex Pretti’s fatal shooting, according to an initial review by the Department of Homeland Security obtained by NBC News. More: NBC News

The “No Kings” nationwide demonstration that has come to symbolize the resistance to the Trump administration is returning March 28, this time with a flagship event in the Twin Cities. More: NBC News

Former detainees planned to testify Wednesday about conditions at an immigration detention center in the Florida Everglades known as “Alligator Alcatraz,” as a federal judge considers during a two-day hearing whether they are getting sufficient access to the legal system. More: Associated Press

Witness Stella Carlson gruesomely detailed to CNN host Anderson Cooper what Trump deportation agents did to Alex Pretti’s body after they killed him in a wrenching interview. More: Mediaite

Slovakia’s prime minister told EU leaders at a summit last week that a meeting with Donald Trump left him shocked by the U.S. president’s state of mind, five European diplomats briefed on the conversation said. More: Politico

President Donald Trump slammed the two GOP senators, Thom Tillis (N.C.) and Lisa Murkowski (Alaska), who called for the ouster of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, describing them as “losers” and “terrible senators.” More: HuffPost

The Ecuadorian Foreign Affairs Ministry says an Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent tried to enter the country’s consulate in Minneapolis on Tuesday but was blocked by its staff. More: NBC News

Neil Young is giving the people of Greenland the gift of song — his songs, that is. More: NBC News

A Russian drone strike on a passenger train in northeastern Ukraine killed five people, prosecutors said, an attack denounced as terrorism by President Volodymyr Zelenskyy. More: NBC News