Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. So it can tell Susan Collins to shove a cord of wood up her concerned ass.
Note: It might surprise you to hear, Sexy Patriots, that we can disagree without being disagreeable. We’re not always a giant overflowing bag of Fuck Yous and Eat Shits. Sometimes we can be pretty goddamn reasonable. And that’s the tone we’d like to strike today as we politely disagree and gently push back with an old friend. Vice President Harris, we love you and we always will, but this ain’t it…
Ugh. Nope. No ma’am. We are NOT fucking doing this again. And the people who want our votes and money need to know we won’t be supporting them if they go down this road. Let’s do a little history, shall we? Barack Obama was a once-in-a-generation candidate. He rolled to office after an illegal war and a global financial crisis on hope and change and as soon as he got to office he handed out free passes to all the criminals who caused those crises because he was focused on saving the economy and getting people healthcare. When Joe Biden took office, he stood in the Oval Office and said it was time to “move on” after the Senate acquitted Trump for attempting a coup and attacking the Capitol. The lesson here is if we don’t punish these fucking dirtbags, then they will return and they will make us regret it. We need to see some dirty motherfuckers rot in prison.
VP Harris doesn’t need us to pile on or throw any cuss words her way. We know she’s hearing this from A LOT of people today, and hopefully it will help her change her mind. But our Democratic candidates need to know that we ain’t going back. The days of the wimp party are over. Fight or get the fuck out of the way. With all due respect. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: Hey Tennessee! Don’t vote for Mr. Dick Pic. Vote for Justin Pearson because he’s awesome and doesn’t send unsolicited nudes. More: Nashville Scene
Note three: Why are Republicans freaking out about South Carolina? Well, a new NYT poll out his morning shows Darline Lindsey Graham tied with Dr. Annie Andrews. Lindsey must be looking up in horror. (The same poll has us up big in Minnesota and down big in Florida.) More: New York Times, Siena
Note four: We need someone to explain to us the Israeli election results, but it sure sucks to see their Trump still getting so much support. More: AP
Note five: Which nickname do you like better? Losin’ Susan or Suckass Susan the Snob? Do the right thing, Maine!
Note six: This one is pretty funny. Trump’s U.S. Attorney in L.A. tweets all day and is trying to fuck with California’s elections. And he’s not serving legally. LOL. More: AP
Note seven: Sen. Lisa Murkowski just endorsed a Democrat. The media only wants to talk about Fettermanchin switching parties, but we say keep an eye on Lisa. Especially if Trump fucks with Alaska’s election results. More: NBC News
Note eight: Scott Jennings might be in trouble. Ol’ Scotty Buttsmooch is being sued for a shitload of money, and lawyers we trust say Hasan Piker might have a pretty good case. LOL. More: The Hill
Note nine: By the way, the title of today’s newsletter comes from something Trump actually said in Texas last night. If this sonofabitch is getting ready to come out, then we’ll have to get ready to actually respect something about him. More: Yahoo News
Note 10: People are seriously attacking Barack Obama as an elitist while fuckhead says shit like this…
Note 11: Bari Weiss killed 60 Minutes. We can’t wait to see what she does with CNN. More: HuffPost
Note 12: Hannity and Bernie Moreno are blaming Democrats for Vivek Ramaswamy’s shitty ad with a pedo-protector. Hannity and Bernie Moreno can full all the way off, eat all the shit and rot in hell. More: HuffPost
Note 13: When we take back those gavels, Mark Zuckerberg needs to be one of the first assholes to receive a subpoena… More: Bluesky, Yahoo
Note 14: Alex Pretti’s parents aren’t just moving on and we aren’t either. They deserve to know who murdered their son. More: AP
Note 15: Hackers are targeting the FEC. They clearly don’t know what the FEC does. More: NBC News
Note 16: Trump says he’s “banning” the term Artificial Intelligence. Good luck with that, asshole. It’ll probably go as well as that whole Reflecting Pool fuck-up. More: HuffPost
Note 17: Part of us feels bad for continuing to make fun of this person. But also she can barely talk and blames the media for her failure and humiliation. And also fuck Trump and his staff…
Note 18: Mike Little Johnson acted indignant yesterday when asked if there will be a peaceful transfer of power if/when Republicans lose. Mike can shove that indignation up his Keebler ass. More: The Independent
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to the latest battle in the New American Civil War. We are happy to report that the 78th Furry Division has defeated a Nazi soldier. Well done, Furries!
Note 20: And on that weird but awesome note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week so far. Even if you mistakenly told a reporter that we should just focus on getting stuff done. We all make mistakes. Love y’all!
Open Border
You know how Bolsonaro’s scumbag son just lost an election in Brazil despite doing everything he could to cheat with the help of American asshole? Well, those same American assholes have helped Brazil’s Don Jr. escape accountability, giving them U.S. visas and letting them fly to Miami. This is shameful and another reminder that Trump doesn’t actually give a fuck about the rule of law or democracy. But please remember that Bolsonaro’s daddy tried this shit too and he still ended up in a cell.
More: AP
DOJoke
We’re not gonna be the billionth people to make a joke about how a grand jury will indict even a ham sandwich. But we will be the billionth people to laugh at Jeanne Pirro and her team of losers after they failed to get a grand jury to indict former Trump aide Cassidy Hutchinson. Poor Cassidy has been tortured because she told the truth about what Trump did on Jan. 6. So they tried to put her in jail. And they couldn’t even get an indictment. As always, we remain deeply grateful for the endless incompetence of these fascist fucks.
More: AP
PRESIDENT ACCUSED OF ANOTHER RAPE
We felt like we had to do that because the mainstream media won’t. This week, Democrats produced a report that laid out a credible accusation of rape against Donald Trump. That’s the same Donald Trump who earlier this year had to pay $6 million to a woman he sexually abused and defamed. Not a single White House reporter has asked him about either. The New York Times and the Washington Post have both written several stories about Obama’s Cheesecake Factory remark, but they have largely ignored this explosive report. Americans deserve to know why their media are hiding these horrible allegations from them. It’s time for the Democratic Party to start getting tough with these one-sided reporters and their corrupt bosses. Thank you to People Magazine for actually giving this the urgency it deserves.
Today’s clips
Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. faced widespread rebuke from civil rights groups, health care advocates and Democrats on Tuesday over anti-Arab comments that the Council on American-Islamic Relations cast as “a textbook display of unvarnished racism and bigotry.” More: NBC News
BARCELONA, Spain — At least 64 people were killed and 58 injuredwhen two high-speed trains collided in central Spain on Wednesday, sending carriages careering off the tracks, in the second major accident on the same line in less than a year. More: NBC News
The Federal Reserve is meeting in Washington this week, when it will consider whether to raise interest rates in an effort to tamp down on inflation. More: NBC News
WASHINGTON — A federal judge Tuesday dismissed a new charge against a pair of former FBI officials accused of lying to Congress, finding the Justice Department took novel — and improper — steps to announce the allegation. More: NBC News
Rock star Neil Young filed a $10 million lawsuit Monday over President Donald Trump’s use of his song “Rockin’ in the Free World” at campaign events — the second time he has sued over Trump’s use of his music. More: NBC News
President Donald Trump painted a grim picture of a Michigan where Democratic Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed triumphs in November: a chaotic state, awash with terror, violence, and the elimination of Christmas. More: HuffPost
The U.S. attorney’s office in Washington has asked a federal judge to deny requests to unseal the warrant used by federal agents to search the home of Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) earlier this month following requests by more than a dozen news organizations, The New York Times reported. More: HuffPost
Retired pro-wrestler and former governor of Minnesota Jesse Ventura slammed President Donald Trump as a “coward” for getting out of serving in Vietnam but having the audacity to say he has the skills to be a general in the U.S. military. More: HuffPost
"The new, official name is the 'Deflecting Pool.' Everybody is using it. The old name has been banned because I say so."
Oh, Kamala Honey. It's time you retired. That weak forgiveness shit is not what we need right now.