Holiday Edition
It’s Monday. There are 288 days until the midterm elections. The FBI covers up Renee Good’s murder, still waiting on the Epstein files and Trump wants war over a Nobel.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It’s how we can tell racists to fuck off when they quote Dr. King.
Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! We’re glad to see you today, but we debated whether or not to put out a newsletter. It’s Martin Luther King Day, and we think that’s a pretty darn important holiday to observe. But also Dr. King didn’t sit on his ass when injustice was having a party, and we’ve got actual fucking nazis in the streets…
That little shit. Isn’t it wild how he can dress like an actual fucking nazi while terrorizing an American city and the whole goddamn press corps manages not to see it or ask about it? It’s shocking. But not as shocking as what Greg Bovino wears under those nazi clothes. Yeah, we found out from a tipster that underneath that Third Reich garb, Greg is wearing the sluttiest lingerie you can imagine. (Normally we wouldn’t kink-shame, but we make exceptions for nazis.)
Crotchless panties, latex garter belts and nipple clamps for days. Yeah, apparently he’s putting the g (string) back in gestapo. You just can’t stop this man from trampling human rights or wearing sexy lingerie under his nazi uniform. It’s saucy, y’all. It’s saucy as hell. Now is any of this true? We don’t know. Probably. But we do know the nazi clothes on the outside are real and that sure seems fucking crazy enough to us. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: Out of respect for the holiday, we’re going to do an abbreviated newsletter today. Also, we wanted to share this cool Instagram post we saw of Andrew Young talking about MLK beating some dudes on the basketball court.
Note three: The Pentagon has troops ready to deploy to Minnesota. This is fucking crazy. Where the hell are all those Don’t-Tread-On-Me tough guys? Oh right. They’re busy having sex with inflatable women. More: NBC News
Note four: How much does the world hate us? At an NBA game in London yesterday, someone interrupted the National Anthem by yelling to “leave Greenland alone.” The crowd cheered. More: Mediaite
Note five: The stories and images coming out of Minneapolis are infuriating and terrifying. Yesterday we saw a video of ICE taking a nearly naked Hmong man from his home in the freezing cold. But it’s ok. They returned him after they discovered he’s a citizen. What the effing fuck, y’all?
Note six: Cory Booker’s solution to this, which he unveiled while starting his run for president, is just to train the thugs better. Maybe his friend Charles Kushner suggested that stupid idea. You’re an endless disappointment, Cory. More: NOTUS
Note seven: Remember how Sen. Bill Cassidy threw away his reputation and soul as a doctor to confirm RFK Jr.? Well it didn’t even buy him love from Trump, who endorsed a primary opponent for Cassidy who isn’t even in the race. Great work, Bill. More: NBC News
Note eight: The 60 Minutes report that Bullshit Bari Weiss pulled finally ran last night. It was devastating for the Trump administration. Or it would be if we had a national soul. Also, Bari apparently kissed Trump after their interview. Dang liberal media. More: Associated Press, The Independent
Note nine: The best thing that happened in politics this weekend is that Abigail Spanberger was sworn in as the first woman governor of Virginia. This is freaking awesome. Now cancel all cooperation with ICE, please. More: CNN
Note 10: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to the Boss. Yeah, Mr. Springsteen has a thing or two to say about Trump and Minnesota, and we are here for every damn word…
Covering up a murder
Deputy AG Todd Blanche said Sunday that the FBI is not going to investigate the murder of Renee Nicole Good. So not only did the federal government kill Renee, but they’re also going to cover it up. What’s the rationale? Well apparently since millions of Americans have seen the video of the murder with their own eyes, then there’s no need for an actual law enforcement agency to investigate. Yeah, it doesn’t make any sense to us either. Until we remembered they’re all a bunch of fucking criminals. More: The Mirror
About those files
Trump has spent the last month causing chaos and mayhem to try and get us to forget about the Epstein files, and it ain’t worked yet. At least not on us. Today marks one month since the deadline to release the files, and less than 1 percent have been released. We’re not sure what options Khanna and Massie have to keep this story in the news, but it’s wild to us that CNN and the NYT don’t care that a president is breaking the law to cover for pedophiles. We’re sure they would’ve just let it go if we were talking about a Democratic president, right? More: NBC News
Dumbest shit yet
Trump has now made it clear he wants to go to war with Denmark because Norway didn’t award him a Nobel Peace Prize. We wish we were joking. In a note to European ambassadors, Trump said that since he didn’t win the prize, he no longer feels obligated to think of peace. He actually said that dumb shit. So yeah, this makes it pretty clear that our idiot president is going to start a war and destroy alliances for the stupidest shit ever. More: USA Today
Today’s clips
Russian strongman Vladimir Putin has reportedly been invited to take a seat on President Donald Trump’s Board of Peace for Gaza. More: Mediaite
Democratic strategist Julie Roginsky, a frequent CNN panelist, took aim at both the network and conservative commentator Scott Jennings in a scathing Substack post in which she acknowledged the criticism could cost her future appearances on CNN. More: HuffPost
Thousands of people gathered Saturday at San Francisco’s Civic Center to celebrate the life of Bob Weir, the legendary guitarist and founding member of the Grateful Dead who died last week at age 78. More: NBC News
The U.S. Department of Justice said Sunday it is investigating a group of protesters in Minnesota who disrupted services at a church where a local official with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement apparently serves as a pastor. More: Associated Press
CNN’s chief data analyst Harry Enten was left stunned as he relayed new polling that showed dramatic collapse in support for President Donald Trump’s deportation agenda in what the data guru called “a 25 point switcheroo in the negative direction.” More: Mediaite
Re: Note #9
Virginian here. Very proud of our new governor!. One of her first EOs was reversing a Youngkin policy that state and local law enforcement had to cooperate with ICE.
Desperately needed some good news, and here it is!
So DOJ won’t investigate the senseless homicide of Renee Nicole Good but they will investigate a protest peaceful in a church. Yeah that tracks 🤬