Herschel Walker, Ambassador

It’s Wednesday. There are 684 days until the midterm elections. Republicans are going after Liz Cheney, House Dems need to get it together and MAGA Mike Johnson is having a hard time.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And Sam Alito can kiss its hairy ass.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we’re not the only ones getting in the holiday spirit. Yesterday Trump announced that the Ghost of Dumbfuck Past is getting a new gig this yuletide season…

Welp. Y’all know this means we’re totally gonna end up in an accidental war with the Bahamas, right? He’s gonna be so sad if he ever finds out it’s a different Atlantis. And won’t this interfere with him not being in the FBI? Is his son gonna go and make super cringe videos about his philandering daddy? Isn’t it great the way we’re exporting ex-football player domestic abusers these days? Did nobody tell him that abortion is illegal in the Bahamas?

Damn it’s amazing just how fucked up that dude’s Senate campaign was. Or how fucked up he is as a human being. Or that he’s now an ambassador of the United States. This ain’t rock bottom, everybody. But we’re getting closer. Because shit is getting ready to get all kinds of stupid. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: Trump was up at 3 a.m. posting about Canada becoming a state. So yeah, all kinds of stupid. More: WIO News

Note three: We were disappointed to see AOC lose her bid for top Democrat on the Oversight Committee. We like Gerry Connolly, but he is 74, battling cancer and is not the communicator AOC is. If we’re going to fight fascism, today would be a good day to start. More: Semafor

Note four: Why did we crap on Alito in the advisory? Because a federal judge got in trouble for criticizing Alito for his many ethical breaches while Alito himself skated. Warning — if you read this story, you are gonna get super pissed off. More: Bloomberg Law

Note five: This is what it looks like to stand up for what’s right and what’s important. We’re excited for the rest of our party to join in…

Note six: They charged that hot murderer with terrorism. He should have attacked the Capitol instead. He’d already be home. More: NPR

Note seven: Apparently we’re not waiting for Trump to get in office to start deporting U.S citizens. God this is messed up. More: The Guardian

Note eight: Holy shit! We might actually be getting the Matt Gaetz report. It looks like the House Ethics Committee voted to release it. Nice of them to wait until he was no longer being paid by taxpayers. More: CNN

Note nine: The New York Times is reporting today that ABC folded to Trump because they were worried they would lose a jury trial in Florida and maybe even see the end of press protections by the Supreme Court. Sounds like bullshit lawyer cope to us. More: NY Times

Note 10: We freaking love this…

Note 11: We fucking hate this stupid drone story so goddamn much.

Note 12: Wow. The “Black Nazi” is back to using his Nude Africa screen name. Bold choice, buddy. More: WRAL

Note 13: Human garbage juice Nancy Mace thinks the drones in New Jersey are aliens. Or China. We think Nancy Mace is a fucking idiot ghoul. More: News4 San Antonio

Note 14: The Dow is on its longest losing streak since the Carter administration. It’s almost like Trump is bad for the economy. More: CNN

Note 15: We’ve never felt more sorry for two people than we do these two sonsofbitches. If they don’t fall in love and write the greatest rom-com in the universe, we’re gonna be so disappointed.

Note 16: The NYT and WSJ both reported that Elon Leon can’t get top classified clearance because he’s on drugs and loves foreign dictators. So it was probably a mistake to make this freakshow our shadow president. More: The Guardian

Note 17: Vice President Harris gave her first speech since the election yesterday. She encouraged young people to keep fighting. We’re not young, but we’re sure as hell gonna keep fighting. Thank you, ma’am. More: The Guardian

Note 18: Jared Moskowitz says he’s staying in Congress. Smart. Anyone who thinks Trump actually wants to work with Democrats is either too stupid to live or works at the New York Times. More: The Hill

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we just wanted to post something about Wicked. It’s so freaking good, and we’re desperate for positive shit.

Note 20: And on that gravity-defying note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope you’re having a great week. Just be glad you’re not stuck in space. Or maybe wish that you were. Love y’all!

Yikes for Liz

A House Republican said yesterday that Liz Cheney should face criminal charges for her role with the Jan. 6 committee. Trump followed up on that by saying Cheney “could be in real trouble.” Of course Cheney didn’t do anything wrong except investigate an attack on the United States Capitol. Republicans are going to try to rewrite history and throw the truth-tellers in prison. We should probably think about fighting back.

More: HuffPost

Or not

Unfortunately, fighting back doesn’t seem to be on the menu at the moment. ABC, which sucks, has another story today about how Democrats want to work with Republicans. We have no seen some version of this story too many places, and our fucking blood is boiling. 75 million people voted to stop fascism. Are we really going to sell them out? Are we really going to curl up in a ball and hope the orange lunatic doesn’t hurt us? When has that ever worked? We love our party. Right now we need it to love itself and stop acting like Morning fucking Joe.

More: ABC

Shut down?

Republicans have until Friday to prevent a government shutdown, and you can guess how it’s going. MAGA Mike Johnson’s pathetic ass had to go on Fox and Friends and promise that he’s not really upsetting Elon Leon who called for killing the continuing resolution that would keep the government open. Everything is really bad and scary right now, but let’s not forget how incompetent and self-defeating the Republican Party is. And that was before the guy whose cars and rockets blow up got involved. We can make the GOP hurt over their slim majority, but only if we stay together and only if we’re willing to fight.

More: The Hill

Today’s clips

Indiana carried out its first execution since 2009 before sunrise Wednesday, with much of the process concealed from the public. More: NBC

A federal judge said Tuesday that he won’t dismiss a bribery charge against New York Mayor Eric Adams because prosecutors described the allegations adequately in an indictment. More: HuffPost