Here we come, Orangey

It’s Wednesday. There are 328 days until the midterm elections. Waiting on that healthcare plan, about that affordability speech and more momentum for the good guys.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it’s not coming for your dolls and pencils.

Note: Buenos días, Sexy Patriots! How the heck are you today? Yeah, us too. But we figure some advil and ivermectin will take care of it. Actually, we’re in such a good mood we might not need any horse medicine at all today. We know what you’re thinking — You guys are so hot and how the hell can you hot idiots be in a good mood when Trump is going down the shitter and taking us all with him?! Well, you make several good points.

But the simple answer is we’re in a good mood because we can see it. We can see America rising up. We can see American declaring Fuck This Shit. And it’s glorious.

Sure, we’re talking about last night’s elections. But what really got us in this headspace was a man named Wayne Davis. Wayne is the manager of a convenience store in Louisiana. He was at work the other night when Greg “the Gasser” Bovino and some other CBP scum came looking for a bit to eat. So Wayne did what every good American should do — he locked the door, whipped out his phone and started taunting some fascist fuckheads.

You can see the video in the link below, but the description is hilarious. “You want some chicken?” Wayne asked them. “You ain’t getting it here, bro.” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Why is that such a cold-blooded line and why do we love it so damn much?!

Anyway, we know it’s easy to be down these days because shit is really, really dark. But there are heroes everywhere, and they are rising up. Trump and his goons made a mistake when they started messing with Americans. Because people like Wayne Davis aren’t fucking around. Y’all have a blessed day. More: Shreveport Times

Note two: Anybody need some therapy? Yeah, us too. Join us today at 3 p.m. ET/Noon PT for one of our sessions. Maybe that miserable troll will join us again to give Sam someone to cuss at.

Note three: Egypt and Iran are very unhappy that Seattle is planning a Pride celebration during the World Cup. Maybe Egypt and Iran should stay the fuck home then. More: NBC

Note four: We’re not gonna link to it but Sean Duffy is still talking about doing pull-ups in airports. What the hell is wrong with these weirdos?

Note five: As you’re doing your holiday shopping, remember the president’s doll and pencil limits.

Note six: “Judge” Emil Bove went to Trump’s hate rally last night. What a totally normal thing for a totally fair and real judge to do. We saw this on social media. When we went to find a story about it, we couldn’t. So more good work from the mainstream media.

Note seven: House Republicans are trying to make the Trump-Hegseth Venezuela murders go away. Because they’re the law and order party. More: Politico

Note eight: A judge has ordered the Epstein records released. We could’ve sworn the same thing happened yesterday. Wait. The same thing did happen yesterday! More: NBC

Note nine: Trump absolutely lost his shit on Truth Social last night after the New York Times asked about his health. He says it’s “seditious” to do so. So yeah, he don’t know what seditious means. More: HuffPost

Note 10: Welp, we won’t be watching CBS anymore. Farewell, buttlicks and propagandists!

Note 11: We take great pride in how miserable Elon Leon seems to be these days. Sure, it’s his own fault that’s he’s a racist, sexist freakshow. But we’re so glad he knows how much everyone hates him and his cars. He even says now he wouldn’t do DOGE if he had a do-over. Oh well. Fuck him. More: HuffPost

Note 12: McDonald’s put out an ad that was made by AI. It didn’t go great. Between this and the dumb orange shithead they’ve got working the drive-thru, that shop is really going downhill. More: BBC

Note 13: LOL. Trump doing the ol’ “I haven’t seen that” about the Pope calling him out. What a wank.

Note 14: Big congrats to A’ja Wilson on being named the AP’s Female Athlete of the Year. It’s not the point, but her relationship with Bam makes us believe in love. More: AP News

Note 15: Remember that war on Christianity? Well now it might actually be real. ICE is demanding a Boston church take down its nativity scene. We know churches don’t talk like this, but they should tell ICE to eat shit and fuck off. More: MassLive

Note 16: Trump lied when he claimed he didn’t call several countries “shitholes.” He’s now admitting it. Yeah, we’re shocked too. More: AP News

Note 17: Man, the farmers who aren’t kissing Trump’s ass are pissed.

Note 18: Fresh off helping Mamdani win, Brad Lander is looking to challenge Rep. Dan Goldman. We stay out of primaries, but yeah, we also saw this coming. More: AP News

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re taking you to Burnsville High School in Minnesota. No, we didn’t let Matt Gaetz guest write today. It was there that students did a walkout to protest ICE. Fuckin’ A! America ain’t dead yet!

Note 20: And on that beautiful note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week and that nobody is refusing to sell you chicken because you suck as a human. Love y’all!

Don’t get sick

Republicans swear they’re getting closer to having a healthcare plan. Just gonna need a couple more weeks. In the meantime, Senate Republicans are responding to the expiration of Obamacare subsidies by pushing the same fucking health savings accounts for rich people that they’ve always pushed. In fact, they’re voting on this dumb shit today. Democrats will counter by pushing for funding the subsidies, and Republicans will tell them and the American people to fuck off. And that will be the end of subsidies, and millions will probably lose their health insurance because the new premiums are too expensive. Republicans are finally getting their wish to wreck Obamacare. Unfortunately, for them, it’s way more popular than they are.

More: AP News

Um…

President Crap-for-brains was back on his hate rally bullshit last night, showing up in Pennsylvania to be a racist dickhead while a bunch of assholes cheered him on. We’re not gonna go too deep on this because you’ve probably already seen the gross clips. He spent the night telling everyone that affordability is a hoax, that prices are coming down and then he just said a bunch of dumb, racist shit. If this is his message for next year, then we’re feeling pretty damn good.

More: The Guardian

LET’S FUCKING GO!!!

It might be December, but Americans are still voting. And that’s really bad news for Republicans. Last night, Democrats across the country continued their winning ways as voters continue to make clear they really, really hate what Trump and his cult are doing to this country. We flipped the Miami mayoral office for the first time in 30 years (against a Trump-endorsed candidate), we flipped a Trump +13 statehouse district in Georgia, we held onto the Albuquerque mayoral office and we overperformed in two Florida special elections (h/t Daniel Nichanian and Bolts Mag). There’s a reason Trump flipped out right after his hate rally. He’s losing. He’s losing bigly. And he knows we’re coming.

More: USA Today

Today’s clips

Democratic Rep. Haley Stevens, who is running for an open Senate seat in Michigan, formally introduced an article of impeachment Wednesday against Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., though it has virtually zero chance of advancing through the Republican-controlled House. More: NBC

The Federal Reserve will almost certainly reduce its key interest rate Wednesday, but the bigger question for financial markets and the economy is what signals Chair Jerome Powell may send regarding the central bank’s next steps. More: AP News

Vice President JD Vance brushed off online scrutiny over a viral photo, both unverified and of uncertain origin, claiming to show him arguing with his wife Usha at a restaurant. More: Mediaite

Paramount Pictures’ official X account was hacked on Tuesday, briefly rebranded as a “proud arm of a fascist regime” message as it attempts a hostile takeover of Warner Bros Discovery. More: Mediaite

A federal judge on Wednesday blocked President Donald Trump’s deployment of National Guard troops to Los Angeles and ordered them returned to the control of the state’s governor. More: HuffPost