Happy #$@#! Holidays!

It’s Monday. There are 679 days until the midterm elections. We’re going to war with effing Panama, Trump’s first AG pick is a child rapist and the most messed up non-Trump story of the weekend.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. Today try to imagine it with a big red fucking bow.

Note: Ho-Ho-Howdy, Sexy Patriots! How the heck are ya? Ready for some yuletide action? We are too. And while we have much horrifying chaotic shit to discuss today, we’re going to take the next few days off to celebrate and relax. But before we do that, we want to share with you a holiday message from our favorite jolly saint in a big red suit — Santa Cuss…

Merry Christmas, you gorgeous sonsofbitches! Ok who am I kidding? Everything fucking sucks, and there ain’t nuthin’ merry about it. Sorry to stick a big ol’ lump of coal down your chimney, but we both know orange krampus is about to doom us to four years of candy canes up the keister. That’s why I want you to do Santa Cuss a big favor and have a goddamn blast this year. Whatever you’re doing and whatever you are, just really cut loose. Be irresponsible. Be reckless. If you’re thinking about having an extra piece of cake or smoking a littl…