Happy Effing New Year!

Today’s Big Stuff. January 1, 2025.

It’s Wednesday. There are 671 days until the midterm elections. It’s 2025, and things are getting ready to suck.

Be advised: This New Year’s greeting uses profanity. It can’t always be cussing about just the news.

Note: Sexiest of Patriots! Happy New Year! How the hell are ya? Well you smell fantastic, and we’re gonna need it because this is probably gonna be a shit year. Hey, it’s not every New Year’s Day that you can wonder with good reason whether this is the year the world ends. There are a lot of dumb and powerful fuckheads running amok these days, and who knows just how stupid things can get?

And that’s why we wanted to send a note to you today — to tell you that there’s nobody we’d rather go through this goddamn nightmare with than your hot ass. In a few weeks, the United States will undergo The Shittening, where a convicted felon, rapist and traitor will put his hand on the Bible and become president again. And when he does, the world is going to get dark and ugly and really fucking idiotic really fast. And we are damn grateful to know you Sexy Patriots are ready to fight back and laugh at every last second of it with us. We can get through anything together. Even this shit.

We hope you’ve had a great holiday season, Sexy Patriots, and we’ll be back to doing full editions on Monday. Until then, please know how grateful to you we are for your decency, your patriotism and your sexiness. And thank you for joining us so we know we are not alone. If we have to go through dumbshit hell, we’re glad we get to go through it with you.

Happy New Year’s, SPs. Now let’s cause some good trouble and rage against the morons. Y’all have a blessed 2025.

Note two: Please enjoy this tribute to Tom Petty courtesy of the Peanuts…

Note three: And here’s the Muppets performing “Lime in the Coconut.” Love y’all…