Guard Your Ears! 🙉

It’s Thursday. There are 208 days until the midterm elections. A traitor buys foreign steel for his stupid ballroom, the Pope ain’t coming to America and about that ceasefire.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it’s not dumb enough to fall for this ceasefire shit.

Housekeeping note: HUGE thank you to all the sexy patriots who showed up in a big way yesterday. Whether you shared the publication, told a friend, or stepped up to become a paid subscriber, you made this moment happen. Because of you, this morning we’re sitting at #10 in U.S. politics on Substack. Let that sink in. An independent, people-powered newsletter that is not afraid to cuss and tell the truth breaking into the top 10 without corporate backing, without sponsors, just grit, truth, and this community. This is what building something together looks like. This is how we grow. And we’re just getting started.

Grateful for every single one of you. Love y’all!

Note: Hello, Sexy Patriots, and welcome to a very special edition of today’s newsletter. In fact, today’s newsletter could save your life. We hope by this point y’all know how much we love your hot asses and how much we appreciate you standing side-by-side with us in this fight against dumbshit facism. But today’s message is for you sexy ears. And that message is STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS!!!!

No. No no no no no no no no no. A podcast, bro? Really? Can’t people just drag a bunch of tin cans filled with nails and crazy behind their cars and hear the same noise? This podcast will cause nosebleeds, measles and lots of people driving into highway dividers. So please, for the love of all that is holy, please make sure your ears hear this heartfelt message from us…

Hi, Sexy Ears. Please make sure you avoid RFK Jr.’s podcast. Not only will the sound of his totally fucked up voice make you want to run right off your head and into a fan, but the actual words he says will probably kill you or somone you love. This man is to ears what Donald Trump is to eyes and noses. It’s not just offensive; it’s deadly. So please, please, please stay away from this man’s podcast. We don’t know what ear-felching is, but we bet he does.

We think that’s the first time we’ve ever sent a message to a specific body part. We won’t make a habit of it. Y’all have a blessed day. And protect your ears.

Note two: We’re doing multiple therapy sessions this week because, well, you know. Catch up on yesterday’s below, see the comments from the live here and please join us today at 4:30 PM ET/1:30 PM PT! You can tune in on Substack or join us on YouTube here at that time! If you click on YouTube subscribe and hit the little bell icon to be notified of future lives!

Note three: Annnnd there go the oil prices again. It’s almost like the world doesn’t believe our lying idiot president. More: HuffPost

Note four: The California Supreme Court finally stepped in and stopped that Trumpy shithead sheriff from messing with ballots. Please don’t let this freak become governor. More: NBC News

Note five: We have no idea what this freakshow is talking about, but if we were married to him, we would definitely jump out of a plane. No parachute. And we just assume the furniture would join us.

Note six: A sleazy school board member in Tennessee was censured after calling a student “hot.” He insists it was misconstrued and won’t step down. Fucking creep. More: NBC News

Note seven: House Dems are going to try and corral the crazypants dumbfuck who keeps starting wars. It likely won’t go anywhere, but we like making Republicans own this shit. More: The Hill

Note eight: We were talking about this in therapy yesterday. We hate AI. But you gotta hand it to the Iranian trolling. They’re pretty damn good at it. More: Associated Press

Note nine: Mark Rutte has a difficult job. But man it sure is embarrassing watching him suck orange ass all the time. More: Associated Press

Note 10: Have we mentioned lately how much we love Justice Sotomayor? Because we do. We really, really do.

Note 11: Poor Joe Rogan says he’s politically homeless. Joe is a Trump voter who likes to bash trans people and say the n-word. Joe is a Republican. He’s just ashamed to admit it. Fuck him. More: Mediaite

Note 12: Karoline Leavitt said it’s “insulting” to say that America lost the moral high ground after Trump threatened to wipe out an entire civilization. He also murdered a bunch of little girls. More: HuffPost

Note 13: Congrats, America. We just obliterated a bunch of heat records. It’s almost like climate change is real and only a moron would pretend otherwise. More: HuffPost

Note 14: Serial sex creep Mark Halperin says that Trump can still turn it around before the midterms. Sure, Mark. Just keep your hands where we can see them, bro. More: Mediaite

Note 15: Don’t worry, everyone. Trump bitch weasel Kevin Hassett says all the high prices are just a “temporary distraction.” Maybe we’re just cynical, but we think he’s full of shit.

Note 16: Trump is flailing so badly he has even lost one of the voices in Megyn Kelly’s head. More: HuffPost

Note 17: Think Fox can’t get anymore pathetic? Then you haven’t met Griff Jenkins and his new “NACHO” nickname for his orange daddy. More: HuffPost

Note 18: The amazing crew of Artemis is spending their last day in space before heading home. Our message to them is DON’T DO IT! STAY UP THERE! IT SUCKS DOWN HERE! More: Today

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, you gotta love CSPAN. Thanks, Vegas Dave!

Note 20: And on that well-stated note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope you and your ears are having a great week and hanging in there. And remember to stop pushing the Q-Tip in when you hit something squishy that makes you forget your address. Love y’all!

Keeps getting worse
We hate Trump’s stupid ballroom. We hate that he demolished the East Wing for it. We hate that it’s being paid for by corporate bribes. And we hate that he keeps talking about the fucking thing even while we’re at war. But now we have a new reason to hate it. Trump is using foreign steel to build it. The steel was donated and then the company got a tariff exemption. So yeah, everything about that shit is corrupt. The next Dem president should charge $5 a whack to let Americans knock it down with a hammer. We’re in for $50. More: New York Times

Run, Leo, Run!
Apparently, the Trump administration threatened our beloved Pope Leo. A flunkie in Hegseth’s Department of What The Fuck called on Leo’s top American cardinal and ambassador to the U.S. and then threatened him. Apparently this freak even picked up a weapon to send the message home. It was unsettling enough that the Vatican canceled the Pope’s trip to the U.S. this year. The flunkie told the Cardinal that American military might means we can do whatever we want and the Vatican better get on board. God this is so embarrassing. Save yourself, Leo!

The Pentagon Threatened Pope Leo XIV’s Ambassador With the Avignon Papacy

Ceasefire extinguished
While Trump keeps insisting that the ceasefire is holding, the Strait of Hormuz is still closed and Israel is still killing lots and lots of people in Lebanon. So yeah, it ain’t a ceasefire. Trump even had to post last night that the American military is staying right where it is until a “REAL AGREEMENT” is reached or else the “Shootin’ Starts.” Um, so does that mean we have a fake agreement now? Yes. Yes, it does. Who knows how much crazy and death today will bring. More: NBC News, Associated Press

Today’s Clips
MADISON, Wis. (AP) — The bluntest assessment of Republican failures during this week’s elections in Wisconsin came from one of their own.

“We got our butts kicked,” said U.S. Rep. Tom Tiffany, who is running for governor. More: Associated Press

A new reality is setting in for travelers worldwide: rising fees, fewer flight options and difficult decisions about whether a trip is worth the cost. More: Associated Press

WASHINGTON (AP) — The American economy, slowed by last fall’s 43-day government shutdown, grew at a sluggish 0.5% annual pace from October through December, the Commerce Department reported Thursday in downgrade of its previous estimate. More: HuffPost

Despite intense opposition from President Donald Trump, Rep. Thomas Massie (R-KY) is beating back a challenge from his MAGA primary opponent — new polling reveals. More: Mediaite