Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it has never tried to put its name on Ford’s fucking Theatre.
Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we’re closing in on the homestretch of the most important election ever and things are looking good. A little too good if you ask us. Everywhere we look this week, we’re seeing poll after poll that shows Democrats cruising and beating the living shit out of the orange cult. And that scares the hell out of us. Call it Poll Traumatic Stress Disorder, but we have too many painful memories of great polls, false hope and crushed dreams.
That’s why we’re trying something different this year. We’ll continue to share poll results with you because it’s kinda fun and they keep us from going totally batshit insane. But instead of focusing on numbers, we’re going to focus on behavior. To be more specific, we’re going to focus on the cowardice and amnesia of Trump-loving Republicans who are trying to sneak off the dumbfuck ranch. After all, a GOPer detaching his or her lips from Trump’s giant ass tells us way more than a poll could. Let us give you an example.
Just yesterday we found out that Byron Donalds has removed all mentions of Trump from his website. In Florida. Thanks to the inexhaustible Aaron Rupar, we know that this is what Byron was saying a year ago…
LOLOL. Why has thou forsaken Daddy, Byron? And why the fuck were you calling him Daddy in the first place, you fucking weirdo? Anyway, we know what we need to do — ignore those goddamn polls and keep the pedal to the metal. But while we’re doing that, we will be sure to take note of all the shit-eating rats fleeing the dumbest ship ever. Because them turning on Daddy tells us way more than a poll could. And it’s way more hilarious. Y’all have a blessed day.
[https://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics-government/state-politics/article317335973.html](https://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics-government/state-politics/article317335973.html)
Note two: Speaking of hilarious, how funny is it that Trump’s whole campaign is to call us communists but 40 days before an election he’s going to blow a communist dictator at the White House? Not exactly on message, bro. More: AP
Note three: That Ford’s Theatre thing is apparently real. We’re fine with it as long as they put his name on a shitter in the basement. More: MS Now
Note four: Trump spoke to the U.N. yesterday. It was deeply humiliating for the United States. More: BBC
Note five: Fake Dr. Oz and the couch guy announced yesterday they’re going to take healthcare away from more Americans. How the fuck do these guys ever win elections? And how the fuck do we lose to them?
Note six: Susan Collins had a very bad day yesterday after an explosive report about her corruption dropped. We just love that for her. More: Bangor Daily News
Note seven: Michigan AG Dana Nessel finally endorsed Abdul El-Sayed. We’re not happy that it took this long. More: Detroit News
Note eight: Big thanks to Vice President Kamala Harris for showing the rest of the party how it’s done. More: AP
Note nine: Big cheers to whomever it was who trolled Trump while he rode the escalator yesterday. You know he was fuming. And also watching his step because he’s afraid of escalators. More: HuffPost
Note 10: We know you don’t need the reminder, but the Worst Lady is a goddamn moron. If they’re sending her out, then you know they got nuthin’.
Note 11: Stephen Miller is already blaming John Thune for the midterms, and we think that is really funny. Enjoy that shit sandwich, Johnny. More: New Republic
Note 12: 60 Minutes had Patrick Clancy on to save their show. It didn’t work. We’re starting to think that Bari Weiss really sucks at this stuff. More: The Guardian
Note 13: Renee Good’s mom voted for Trump?! Man, that is some fucked up shit.
Note 14: This is the funniest story you’ll read today. They were gonna have a big Patriot’s Day Freedom Fest with Kid Rock in Kentucky. But nobody wanted to come so they canceled it. Guess Kid Rock can go back to being a piece of shit. More: EW
Note 15: This isn’t politics related, but Taylor Swift is putting out a new song and we thought you should know. More: Variety
Note 16: The Missouri maps are going back to the Supreme Court. Again. Because of course they fucking are. More: NBC News
Note 17: Props to Dave Matthews for always being a real one. And also Grey Street is a kick-ass song…
Note 18: If Trump is such a big, tough guy then why does he make poopie in his panties when he sees Kaitlan Collins? More: HuffPost
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re sharing this clip we saw of Walter Cronkite talking about the importance of the press. We couldn’t agree more. We just wish they took their mission more seriously and kissed less ass.
Note 20: And on that powerful note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week so far. Or at least better than Byron Donalds lol. Love y’all!
‘I Am the Code’
That’s apparently what Trump told the architect who was building his ballroom after the dude pointed out that there weren’t enough exits and Trump is essentially building a fire-trap. He also didn’t allow for enough bathrooms. He probably figures everyone can just shit themselves like he does. So not only did fuckhead destroy the East Wing, but he’s replacing it with a shitty dangerous ballroom. It’s basically the Reflecting Pool thing but in building form. There’s really nothing he can’t fuck up.
More: Washington Post, HuffPost
Billy Buttface
The grabber laugher is back. Billy Bush, the loser chode who thought it was hilarious when Trump told him he likes to grab women “by the pussy,” has been hired as a contributor at Fox News. After a few years of pretending to be sorry about his love of Trump’s rape talk, Bush returned to form earlier this year as one of the top supporters of Los Angeles asshole Spencer Pratt. We hope both Fox News and Billy go fuck themselves and then eat shit.
More: Yahoo News
Court Day!
The three news organizations that are suing Trump after getting kicked out of the White House are getting their first day in court today. While a Trump judge is presiding, even Trump knows he’s probably gonna lose. Social media was filled this morning with examples of how shitty and stupid Trump’s defense is. He’s a whiny shit who thinks it’s the media’s job to kiss his ass. Sadly, they often agree. Still, we’ll be rooting for them today because this country has a free press and that is worth fighting for. Even if they are often too chickenshit or compromised to fight for themselves.
More: NBC News
Today’s clips
MECHANICSVILLE, Va. — In 100 days, on Jan. 1, new federal work and reporting requirements kick in for Medicaid recipients, leaving roughly 10 million Americans at risk of losing healthcare coverage, as states scramble to prepare for the most substantial change to the program in decades. More: NBC News
US President Donald Trump bought as much as $50,000 worth of shares and sold as much as $15,000 in Elon Musk’s SpaceX in July, according to a public financial disclosure, his latest transactions involving a government contractor run by his former adviser. More: NBC News
NEW YORK (AP) — Lionel Richie is taking a break from touring as he recovers from a heart procedure, a representative for the singer confirmed in a statement to The Associated Press on Wednesday. More: AP
WASHINGTON (AP) — Republicans are growing increasingly grim about their chances in November, with aligned groups pumping money into reliably red states and candidates scrambling to distance themselves from unpopular White House policies. More: AP
Burlington, Vt. (AP) — A jury on Monday convicted a Vermont man of attempted murder in the shootings of three Palestinian college students who were walking near his home, rejecting an insanity defense rooted in his claims that he was acting on orders from U.S. and Israeli intelligence agencies. More: AP
BOSTON (AP) — The social media influencer “Clavicular,” who gained a following promoting the online “looksmaxxing” trend, has been charged in Massachusetts with raping a 17-year-old girl who told police she became heavily intoxicated after he gave her alcohol at his family’s Cape Cod home. More: AP
MEXICO CITY (AP) — Polo has grown into one of the most powerful Pacific cyclones in decades and was expected to skirt Mexico’s southwestern coast as a major hurricane, while another Pacific system, Odalys, strengthened Wednesday from a tropical storm to a hurricane without threatening land. More: HuffPost
I still don't trust the muskrat. I am seeing all the Democratic ass kicking but then see the little fucker crawled back up the stinky orange ass.
Susan Collins should be concerned, and I'm sure she is this morning. Congrats to Faux News for hiring Billy. They deserve each other. And, you are so right about the polls. I worry about the Democrats who will stay home again this time.
I think we should let Trump put up as many statues of himself as he wants to -- they would be so easy to tear down after he's gone. He has always imagined himself as a "builder," but how does he not know the number of doors and bathrooms needed in a single floor of an annex by now? He's been an incompetent criminal most of his life, and apparently, that's his real speciality.