Free-ish speech
It’s Monday. There are 414 days until the midterm elections. Lisa Cook is owed an apology, Trump threatens NYC after a big endorsement for Zo and the free speech nation is forced to mourn a racist.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. Because this is still America and we can.
Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, the country is a burning bag of doodie right now, and the flames and stench have spread to the house. We’re going to unapologetically talk about it all right after we get over this sense of shock. You might ask what has us so flustered and sexy. Well, last night Donald Trump told the truth. And both times that has happened before, we fell off our fucking chairs. So what could compel Trump to be honest? His own dumbshit supporters…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! No. No, we don’t. Sexy people don’t like him either. Neither do decent people, people who shower regularly, people who think sex with family members is bad, people who like education and women and Black people, people who actually love free speech, people who don’t love dictators or, of course, people who love America. Trump loves the morons, and the morons love Trump. And we are honestly a tad relieved to find out he knows that.
So congrats on being a hero to the dumfucks, President Cankles. We’re glad to know that you know that smart people think you’re a goddamn idiot. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: We’re gonna talk about the post-Kirk Cancel Culture in the news section, but we are fucking furious that Karen Attiah, the last Black WaPo columnist and the paper’s last link to Jamal Khashoggi, has been fired for merely quoting Kirk. It seems that democracy dies when billionaire bitch-weasels buy legendary newspapers. More: Independent
Note three: It’s important to remember that these rules apply to everyone except the president of the United States who once again called us “scum” last night. He can eat shit. More: HuffPost
Note four: You know who is scum and didn’t get fired? The miserable piece of shit at Fox News who had to kinda, sorta apologize for calling for the homeless to be killed. Don’t you love living in the United States of Double Standards? More: AP News
Note five: Here’s Matthew Dowd, who was canned by MSNBC last week, telling the truth. We’re lucky they can’t fire him again.
Note six: Trump and his ICE goons fucked up big time with that Hyundai plant raid in Georgia. South Koreans are back home and telling the world about how ICE treated them like garbage and mocked them. Why the hell would anyone build in this country now? More: NBC
Note seven: Speaking of ICE, they killed someone else. Who will keep us safe from the people keeping us safe? More: NBC
Note eight: Oh this is fantastic. Trump is going to get a taste of real free speech when he goes to the U.K. this week. We’re not familiar with Channel 4, but we’re big fans now. More: HuffPost
Note nine: Kash Patel is such a dunce. He went on Fox News this morning and literally said he didn’t regret posting that the FBI had a suspect in custody even when they didn’t. In a normal administration, he’d be fired. But in a normal administration, his weird incompetent ass never would have gotten the job. More: The Wrap
Note 10: Trump posted on his social media site that he saved D.C. Here’s what D.C. has to say about that dumb shit.
Note 11: Happy belated birthday to the Pope, who continues to melt our hearts. This time it’s because he went after Elon Leon. Git his ass, Leo! More: HuffPost
Note 12: Speaking of Elon Leon, guess who spent the weekend warning of violence while also spreading lies and fascism around the world. More: ABC
Note 13: We have zero idea why people around Hakeem Jeffries think it’s smart to attack Chris Van Hollen, but we assure them it is not. Leadership means uniting Democrats; not shitting on them. More: Mediaite
Note 14: You can tell Trump is really in mourning because he keeps talking about that goddamn ballroom and staying up late to bitch about the NFL’s kick-off rules. More: The Hill
Note 15: Cecil Williams took a picture of himself drinking from a “whites only” water fountain. Here he is at 87 showing he still ain’t scared.
Note 16: Farmers who voted for Trump are upset that his policies are fucking them over. Maybe they should have remembered when he did the same shit the first time around. Or maybe they should have voted for kitchen-table issues over being bigots. More: Politico
Note 17: Republicans are going to unveil a stop-gap spending bill this week, and it won’t include sanctions on Russia or a fix to keep Obamacare premiums from going on. Not one Democrat better vote for this shit. Shut it down. More: Politico
Note 18: John Fetterman is begging us to quit calling Trump names. Sorry, Uncle Fester, but fuck you and your be-cankled orange daddy. More: Independent
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to last night’s Emmys, where free speech was still alive and patriotism was too. Congrats to Stephen Colbert on his win (and for being cool enough to quote Prince)...
Note 20: And on that rousing note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a great weekend and didn’t get fired for saying something truthful. Thanks for being smart people and hating Trump. Love y’all!
Cook this
You know how Trump and his kiss-ass at the housing agency have been waging public warfare against Fed governor Lisa Cook? Well it turns out she’s innocent of the shit they’ve accused her of. Yeah, we’re shocked too. Instead of admitting their error and apologizing, Pulte doubled-down and continued to attack and insult Cook today. We’re not lawyers, but surely there’s a way to sue this crooked motherfucker to hell and back, right? And of course Trump doesn’t care that she’s innocent, and he’s hoping the courts will let him fire her so he can stack the board with more kiss-asses.
More: CBS, Yahoo Finance
Go Zo!
Like a lot of Democrats, we have struggled to understand why our own party is having so much trouble getting behind NYC mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani. We say we want energy, excitement and young voters, and then we balk when those things show up. Thank you to Gov. Kathy Hochul for finally doing the right thing and endorsing Mamdani. It rattled Trump big time, leading him to his social media site where he threatened to withhold federal money from the city if they don’t vote the way he tells them to. Yes, we are talking about America.
More: NY Daily News
‘Mourn him properly or else’
That’s not our quote. That’s from the headline of a Reuters story. And it’s totally accurate. We already told you about Karen being fired from WaPo, but she’s not alone. Online right-wingers, with help from Republican members of Congress and Elon Leon, have been putting together lists of everyday Americans to be singled out and punished for daring to criticize the late Charlie Kirk. Yeah, the same people who claimed to love free speech while they were making fun of Paul Pelosi are now very much in their feelings and determined to make us all pay if we don’t mourn the way they want us to. We say fuck that and fuck them. This is still America. At least for now.
Today’s clips
President Donald Trump on Monday threatened to federalize the Washington, D.C., police again if the department does not cooperate with U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement operations. More: NBC
Vice President JD Vance will host an edition of "The Charlie Kirk Show" on Monday in tribute to the conservative activist who was assassinated at a university event last week at 31. More: NBC
Each year during Hispanic Heritage Month, huge celebrations can be expected across the U.S. to showcase the diversity and culture of Hispanic people. This year, the Trump administration’s immigration crackdowns, a federally led English-only initiative and an anti-diversity, equity and inclusion push have changed the national climate in which these celebrations occur. Organizers across the country, from Massachusetts and North Carolina to California and Washington state, have postponed or canceled heritage month festivals altogether. More: AP News
In a post on Truth Social, Trump said securities regulators should stop requiring companies to issue financial reports every three months and instead switch to a six-month reporting period. The Securities and Exchange Commission has required publicly traded companies to report on a quarterly basis since 1970. More: AP News
“And the Emmy goes to… the Late Show with Stephen Colbert!” More: Mediaite
Note: It was a short clip, but you were very much on the right track, Donnie. "Smart people don't like [you]." Now, take one more very short step, and characterize the people who do like you.
Two things:
1. Don't you wonder what people in tRump's audience thought when he said smart people don't like him? Audience thoughts: Is he saying we're not smart? If we are smart, why are we here? Should we not be liking him too? Should we leave now?
2. LOVE LOVE LOVE everyday Americans. Following the National Guard patrol playing the Imperial March from Star Wars --- brilliant! And the irony! The very guys who are there to stop crime in D.C. have to threaten to call the police. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Thank so much. I will be laughing all day long.