Exhausted Trump goes whining to Fox

Today’s Big Stuff. October 18, 2024.

Happy Friday! There are 18 days until Election Day. The VP is a hit on the fake news channel, Ron DeSantis gets DeSpanked and an “exhausted” Trump goes whining to Fox. 

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But Tim Walz uses it better. 

Note: Sexy Patriots! We come to your hot asses today with a message not of fear; but of joy. Because despite all the terrifying Trumpian darkness, this shit can be pretty fun. Hey, TBS, you guys are very handsome and people’s actual goddamn lives are on the line and you’re having fun? Are you a super hot psycho? Well thank you, and no we haven’t gone psycho. We just really, really, really like our candidates…

Damnnnnnnnnn. Hope they left and went to their local burn unit. Do you think when they woke up yesterday they knew they were gonna get completely fucked up in front of the whole world? Like, did they get out of bed and say today I’m gonna go get stuffed in a locker by Kamala Harris? Because that’s sure as shit what happened. And it made us smile and it made us laugh our asses off and it made us do a little fist pump. Because our candidate is a badass and we’re gonna win and it’s pretty awesome that she’s bringing so much fun and joy and purpose to such a tense and perilous moment. 

It’s hard to stay joyful these days. There’s a whole huge goddamn cloud of fascism hanging over us, and we’ve learned fucked up shit about our fellow Americans in the last few years that we can’t unlearn. But when you’ve got a candidate who can talk shit like that, you have to believe. And we are believers. Thank you, VP Harris. Y’all have a blessed day. 

Note two: “My husband died protecting democracy.” Thank you to CBS’s Scott MacFarlane for telling this story. This is why we’re not going to forget about Jan. 6. More: CBS News

Note three: The VP scored a big vote in Pennsylvania yesterday when former Republican Congressman Charlie Dent shared that he voted for Harris. It’s coming together, y’all. More: Axios

Note four: It looks like Elon Leon wants to get sued by Dominion. The company is pushing back because super dork is in Pennsylvania pushing voter fraud bullshit. It’s kinda nice that we get to beat his ass in addition to Trump’s. More: NBC News

Note five: Well we’ll be damned. Bret Baier begrudgingly admitted that he “made a mistake” when he tried to pull some bullshit on VP Harris during their interview by airing a sanitized clip of Trump talking about the “enemy within.” Weird how oversights like that happen, ain’t it? It’s almost like Bret is a miserable goddamn liar. 

Note six: Mark Cuban is really out there being the exception to the rule that billionaires are cartoonishly evil assheads. We sure do appreciate all he’s doing. More: CNBC

Note seven: Trump pulled out of another interview and an NRA event. If he’d started doing this shit sooner, then we wouldn’t have to listen to Don Jr. and Eric. More: WJCL

Note eight: Trump’s disgusting maybe-mistress said some truly horrible shit about Pete Buttiegieg and his husband yesterday. We won’t share it. But we will share this column about how much she sucks. More: USA Today

Note nine: The leader of Hamas is worm food. Good riddance. The VP said justice has been done, called for the hostages to be released and she said this is a good opportunity to end the war. More: Associated Press

Note 10: The Biden White House is all out of fucks to give, and we are loving it. Yesterday they put this out…

Note 11: Trump is really not doing anything to dispel those nasty rumors about him and Putin. Yesterday, he blamed Zelensky and Biden for the Russian invasion. It never stops being insane to us that a major party candidate is clearly a useful idiot for an ex-KGB agent. And that whole party is cool with it! More: Independent

Note 12: You remember the Virginia Republican who used a fake family in his ad? Well he really set himself up for the ad House Democrats just dropped on him. More: Politico

Note 13: When the VP makes fun of Trump, like she did last night about that silly father of IVF shit, we feel like we could run through a damn wall. We won’t though. It just seems unnecessary. More: NBC News

Note 14: NBC’s former marketing chief is apologizing for helping to create the myth of Trump through the Apprentice. Gee. Thanks for the apology, buddy. Like they say, better never than late. More: US News

Note 15: Our vice presidential candidate used the phrase “batshit crazy,” and it made us very happy.

Note 16: We need y’all to help us settle something. Sam came up with a joke that Adam thought was too far. Leave a note and tell us if this is too far — “You’re damn right we’re the enemy within. Within Trump’s mom!” Ok yeah, now that we’ve seen it written out, it’s definitely too far. Damn.

Note 17: Rep. Scott Perry might be in trouble. The insurrectionist Trump buttlick from Pennsylvania just saw his race get moved from Lean R to Toss-up. Let’s send him home. More: Cook Political

Note 18: “Without abortion, the women love me.” That is something Trump actually said on Fox this morning. Who wants to tell him? 

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we just wanted to share with y’all that by the end of today, more than 1 million people will have already voted in Georgia. We like to believe they’re all Harris supporters, but as people who love democracy, we’re just happy to see so many Americans getting involved. 

Note 20: And on that hopelessly naive note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had an awesome week. Kamala Harris sure did. Love y’all! 

PS. Some breaking news on the Jack Smith front as we are hitting publish here: twitter

PPS. We are not making this up. Donald Trump just said this: "I was so amazed that Harvey Weinstein got schlongged, he got hit as hard as you can get hit. Because he was sort of king of the woke, right? And yet he got hit."

Ratings gold!
Kamala Harris is a hit! We know you already knew that, but now Fox News knows it too because she was their highest rated interview in this election cycle with 8 million viewers. Trump’s rigged town hall from earlier in the day only drew 3 million. That’s gotta hurt. So here’s something to think about — what if hating Kamala Harris is better for right-wing media than loving a deteriorating Trump? Hmmmm. Sounds like a business decision, doesn’t it? More: The Wrap

Fuckin’ Florida
Ron DeSantis really went too goddamn far this time. After he used the power of the state government to threaten local television stations that ran ads in favor of the pro-abortion rights amendment, the organizers of the campaign fought back. Yesterday a federal court demanded that the state stop threatening the stations and citing a very obvious and egregious violation of the First Amendment. Or to quote the judge: “It’s the First Amendment, Stupid.” Suck it, Ron. More: Miami Herald

Boo-hoo
Poor widdle Trump is “exhausted” and that’s why he’s canceling interviews. Yeah, Politico reported this morning that the orange asshead keeps pulling out of interviews because he’s just too damn tired to campaign. He still has plenty of energy for whining though. This morning, Trump went on Fox News where the hosts kissed his ass until their lips chapped. Trump told them he was going to meet with Rupert Murdoch to tell him to stop running Democratic ads and stop having Democratic surrogates on Fox. So yeah, he’s a fascist, but he’s a whiny one. More: Politico

Today’s clips
Former President Donald Trump on Thursday night insulted Vice President Kamala Harris’ family, repeatedly mispronounced her name and complained about how badly he was treated during his presidency, drawing occasional cheers and some laughs from a friendly crowd at the Al Smith charity dinner. More: CNN

Barack and Michelle Obama will make their first appearances alongside Democratic presidential candidate Kamala Harris on the campaign trail next week, aiming to provide a powerful boost in the closing weeks of the election. More: The Guardian

Donald Trump overcharged Secret Service agents protecting him and his family for rooms at his hotel in Washington while he was president, a new report from House Democrats alleges. More: NBC News

Donald Trump’s crypto project, World Liberty Financial, published a 13-page document Thursday that described its mission and how tokens can be allocated, and that indicated that the Republican presidential nominee and his family could take home 75% of net revenue. More: NBC News