Election Interference
It’s Thursday. There are 110 days until the midterm elections. Todd Blanche is a scumbag, Democrats get tough with Bibi and Trump gets ready to lie to America.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. So it can tell the networks to eat shit if they carry this nonsense live.
Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we are steaming goddamn mad today. If you haven’t seen it, the Vice President of the United States is using our money to live like a fucking Kardashian. MS.Now reported last night that JD Vance even wanted to use a Marine helicopter to take his son to a fucking golf lesson…
If that guy is looking for fraud, he’s doing a shit job. And it gets worse. Here at [TheAltMedia.com](http://TheAltMedia.com), we can report exclusively that this sordid story gets much, much more disturbing. Not only did JD try to take a government chopper to golf camp, but he has been using Air Force Two as a flying furniture orgy den. It’s appalling. The whole fucking plane is just stuffed with couches and loveseats. Those Air Force guys get him up to 38,000 feet and he just goes nuts. Running from cabin to cabin, wearing only the Trump florsheims and a crazed look in his eye, he humps the couches and larger chairs until they’re unrecognizable. They’ve started calling it Furniture Fuck One. After a few hours, JD gets worn out, so he showers and they land and the Air Force swaps out the badly damaged furniture for new stuff.
That and he’s been taking his motorcade to the Ashley Furniture outside of Bethesda after-hours. You don’t even want to know what that’s about. But get any couches you buy from there thoroughly cleaned and possibly into therapy. Y’all have a blessed day. Except for Couch Boy. Fuck him.
Note two: How about some much-needed therapy? Yeah, we’re overdue. Let’s do today at 4:30 p.m. ET/1:30 p.m. PT. See you then!
Note three: The Supreme Court refused to hear Trump’s appeal in the E. Jean Carroll case, and this week she got her money. SO WHY THE EFFING FUCK HASN’T THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS ASKED THE PRESIDENT ABOUT IT?! More: Slate
Note four: If you live somewhere with wildfire smoke, please be careful. This is what we get for all that 51st state bullshit. And climate change. More: AP
Note five: Couch Boy had a rough time on Rogan yesterday. And also he’s lying about this. Congrats to JD on owning the Epstein shit with the Rogan audience. We’re sure it won’t come back to haunt him.
Note six: We can’t quite bring ourselves to congratulate Argentina fans, but their team did beat England yesterday in a very physical game that kept getting nasty after it was over. Argentina and Spain will face off for the championship on Sunday. Also, Messi has GOAT status now. More: NBC News
Note seven: We’re gonna talk more about Hunter Biden in a sec, but we wanted to congratulate him on winning his defamation suit against that Overstock freakshow. Sue them all, Hunter. Every motherfucking last one of them. More: NBC News
Note eight: If you ever think we’re being too hard on the couch-fucking boot-licking VP, just remember this story… More: HuffPost
Note nine: This is the latest we’ve seen in the case of Nolan Wells. We’re not gonna forget. More: HuffPost
Note 10: Sorry, England fans, but this is really funny. And it’s worth remembering that Messi was recently at the White House, so maybe put some money on Spain.
Note 11: Anybody going to see the Odyssey this weekend? We’re pretty fired up for it, but tickets are hard to come by. Thank goodness people are smarter than Elon Leon Musk and his band of racist idiots. More: Deadline
Note 12: Pete Hegseth announced gender-affirming care for the military yesterday. And not in a cool way. More: The Hill
Note 13: LOLOL! Iran is defeated, and they will be defeated soon. Got that? Just two more weeks…
Note 14: So we’re still gonna need a Senate candidate in Maine. Who y’all got? More: HuffPost
Note 15: George Santos is gonna be on a reality show. This might have been the most predictable thing to happen in America in a long time. But only because we’re a joke. We can’t wait to not watch the shit out of this. More: AP
Note 16: They seriously put Trump’s fugly face on a coin. Thank god for debit cards. More: AP
Note 17: We’re becoming Jon Ossoff super fans. We hope it’s not creepy.
Note 18: Remember to skip lettuce, vegetables and Taco Bell because you don’t want to get Trumparrhea and spend the next month shitting your brains out. More: NBC News
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re taking you back to Hunter B. We don’t always understand what this dude is doing, but we sure love it when he talks like this. Fuck him up, HB!
Note 20: And on that extremely satisfying note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having an amazing week and not using government vehicles to take your goddamn kids to golf practice. But we know you’d never do such a thing. Or fuck the furniture. Love y’all!
Eat Shit, Todd
Todd Blanche will be back on Capitol Hill today, being awful and getting closer to confirmation. Based on what we saw yesterday, he’s going to get confirmed. But man, he sure revealed himself as a lying scumbag yesterday. Whether it was his lies about Epstein or his smarmy demeanor, Blanche made clear he’s Trump’s latest Roy Cohn. He even confessed that he is the president’s lawyer. Oops. Today, senators will hear from an Epstein survivor, one of many who Blanche has refused to meet with. Keep up the heat, Democrats. America needs you on this one.
Whoa
Bibi wanted to align himself and the Israeli government with the Republican Party. He got his wish. Yesterday, more than 100 House Democrats — including Speaker Emeritus Nancy Pelosi — voted to end military aid to Israel. We even saw House Leadership split on this as Katherine Clark voted for it and Hakeem Jeffries voted against. We honestly never thought we’d see anything like this, but Bibi has nobody but himself to blame. He went full Trump and killed thousands and thousands of innocent people. Thank goodness we’re in the party that is taking a stand.
More: NBC News
What Else is On?
Well tonight Trump is going to take over the airwaves to lie to America and set up his next coup attempt. In a primetime address that we’re sure all the networks will dutifully carry, Trump is planning to tell Americans that China interfered in the 2020 election. That’s the same China that Trump recently visited, and the same Xi whose ass Trump recently kissed. It’s also a load of horseshit that was too crazy for Tulsi fucking Gabbard. We desperately need the press to call bullshit on this nonsense, but we don’t have high hopes. Anyway, we’ll probably watch a movie or something.
More: Politico
Today’s clips
UVALDE, Texas (AP) — Dangerous flooding in Texas has intensified after days of pounding rain, sending emergency crews scrambling to rescue people from the rising waters before sunrise Thursday and setting off urgent warnings from forecasters: “Move to higher ground now!” More: AP
SEATTLE (AP) — President Donald Trump fired the new top U.S. prosecutor in Seattle on Wednesday less than an hour after the attorney was unanimously appointed by the federal judges in the district, highlighting tensions between the courts and the president over the powerful positions. More: AP
WASHINGTON (AP) — The newly drained Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool’s bottom surface has noticeably faded since it was lined with a protective coating in a color President Donald Trump called “American flag blue” this spring. More: AP
July 16 — Jalen Brunson was on center stage in New York again Wednesday, this time for a trio of ovations at the 2026 ESPY Awards. More: NBC News
WASHINGTON — The New York Times on Wednesday filed a motion to quash subpoenas that the Justice Department served on journalists who reported on security concerns involving the new, Qatari-gifted Air Force One, teeing up a significant court fight pitting press freedom against the government’s ability to force reporters to identify sources. More: NBC News
Fox News’ liberal “The Five” co-host Jessica Tarlov delivered her conservative colleagues a blunt reality check over Donald Trump’s repeated claims that his war with Iran is under control and nearing an end. More: HuffPost
Yes my rep Katherine Clark broke ranks with Jefferies! So maybe regularly reaching out to your member of Congress actually works (at least in Massachusetts)…
My reps are useless. I wonder if the Trump administration will spend two hours spewing his toxic venom. I’m not going to watch it. He’s going to whip his MAGA nuts into a frenzy. He’s president now and he should get over the 2020 election. If he would focus on the now instead of the past maybe he could do better for the country.