Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it’s really sick and tired of Trump’s lies about his goddamn crowd sizes.
Note: We know you’re focused on kicking some serious Republican ass at the polls, but there is one little matter of business we need to attend to. Thom Tillis wants you to know how brave he almost was, and we think that’s just fucking adorable. Yeah, Tillis is making the rounds before his time in the Senate ends, telling everyone how sorry he is he voted for Hegseth and maybe Blanche and really everyone else that Trump told him to.
And nobody’s buying that shit.
We’ve seen some pathetic losers pack up their limp dicks and slink out of D.C. before, but this spineless bitch has some nerve. Remember this is the same asshole who used Hegseth’s accuser and some of the Epstein survivors to justify his goddamn votes. He gets NO POINTS just because Trump hates him and sees him as disloyal. Hell, we all feel that way.
Nice try at rewriting history, Thom. (And nice way to spell your name. Not.) But we’re not fucking idiots. You’re a soulless scumbag, and you enabled every bad thing that is happening. So fuck off and eat shit, dude. We’ve already forgotten you existed. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: Dennis Hastert is still dead.
Note three: The Paramount-Warner Bros. merger closed today. Thanks again to the Democratic officials in California who sold us out and refused to fight this. We won’t forget. More: NBC News
Note four: Our pressure worked. Trump says he’s going to start paying for those shitty ads with his super PAC money and not our tax dollars. And he never lies about money so we’re sure this will totally happen. More: AP
Note five: Abdul went on Fox News yesterday and made a fool out of the pretend journalist. This dude is fearless.
Note six: Trump complained about Karl Rove and Rove went bye-bye. We know these are fucked up times, but we’re not gonna defend Rove. Fuck him. More: MediaMatters
Note seven: Have you voted yet? What’s your plan? What are you doing to win?
Note eight: Jim Bakker died. We assume he and Hastert are catching up today. More: HuffPost
Note nine: Trump is now using anti-trans slurs to attack our candidate in South Carolina. We have two thoughts about this. First, Trump is a gross bigot. And second, Trump is worried about South Carolina. More: NBC News
Note 10: Thank you to Colorado Gov. Jared Polis for making this possible. We hope he fucks off forever. But also, it does make us feel a little better that Tina Peters is planning the next coup.
Note 11: Kristi Noem needs to go to jail. Someone tell couchfucker’s fraud task force about her. More: HuffPost
Note 12: Politico has kissed orange ass until their lips bled. And they still got kicked off the plane. LOL. More: NBC News
Note 13: They are protesting at Cornell. We needed to see this. Cornell did too.
Note 14: The workers laid off from this Ohio auto factory might disagree with Trump that this is the greatest economy ever. More: PBS
Note 15: Sarah Huckabee Sanders forgot that the first rule of being a Republican is to always be a racist piece of shit. We’re shocked she forgot. More: AP
Note 16: Sam Alito says it’s “offensive” to say he votes with MAGA. Sam Alito thinks we’re stupid. Sam Alito can go suck his own anus. More: AP
Note 17: Just a reminder that James Talarico is pro-weed and Ken Paxton is a piece of shit.
Note 18: Speaking of Texas, it’s pretty fucking funny that even Greg Abbott doesn’t want to be seen with Trump. More: Yahoo News
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going to Fox News and Mike Lawler. Yeah, we were surprised too. But we can’t stop laughing at all these assholes running away from their orange daddy. Run, Mikey, Run!
Note 20: And on that succinct and frightened note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week and kicking ass. Unless you are Thom Tillis. In that case, we hope your little weiner falls off. Love y’all!
Wolverines!
The Democratic Party’s big guns are headed to Michigan to help Abdul El-Sayed beat Trump trash Mike Rogers. AOC was just there, Mamdani is on his way and President Obama will be there later this month. This is the kind of unity we have wanted to see, and we are enormously grateful to the officials who are making the trip. We are also not gonna forget the centrist assholes who have attacked Abdul at every turn. Abdul is a fighter, and we need him in the U.S. Senate. So let’s do this, Michigan.
More: AP
(Parts of) America First
Last night at a rally in Nebraska, Trump rambled incoherently about Iran nuking San Diego and Los Angeles. His defenders are saying he doesn’t want that and was trying to say that he prevented it. But the reality is all those assholes from Nebraska were cheering at the idea of a foreign country nuking millions of their fellow Americans. And they probably think of themselves as patriots. Every California official called out this reckless bullshit, but we’re sure the mainstream media will move on.
More: The Guardian, bsky.app
Kavanaugh Stops
It was Justice Kavanaugh who said that American citizens who are detained by ICE will be let go with minimal hassle and after just a few moments. Fucking asshole. ProPublica is reporting today that at least 506 U.S. citizens have been detained by ICE, sometimes at gunpoint, and 12 have been deported. They fucking deported 12 U.S. citizens. Oh and they’ve zip-tied more than 70 kids. If you’re a Democrat who’s squeamish about taking on ICE, then you need to find a spine real fucking quick because this can’t be allowed to go on.
More: ProPublica
Today’s clips
WASHINGTON — Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., is putting President Donald Trump on notice: If Democrats win control, they don’t intend to put “MAGA” judges on the courts. More: NBC News
VENICE, Italy (AP) — The opening in U.S. theaters of the “NAZA” documentary, in which Israeli military insiders describe what they say was the reckless killing of civilians in Gaza, is likely to rekindle the searing debate over America’s military support for Israel ahead of congressional elections. More: AP
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) — A former music pastor in Ohio who appeared briefly on “ American Idol ” was sentenced Monday to life in prison without the possibility of parole, after a jury convicted him last week of murdering his wife while he was having an affair. More: AP
President Donald Trump has approved the execution by firing squad of Army Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan for the 2009 shooting rampage at Fort Hood, Texas. More: AP
President Donald Trump on Monday called aide Natalie Harp to join him on stage at a rally in Nebraska, where he compared her to a model on a TV game show. More: HuffPost
Phil Collins has made it abundantly clear he is no fan of Donald Trump. More: HuffPost
The latest from Adam
Not every person supported that orange shit stain in Nebraska and I'm disgusted by the ones who did. I honestly don't know how much more I can take from this regime 🤬
We have to vote blue to get the awful people out of the white house.
Trump is sinking to new lows.