Dems do good
It’s Tuesday. There are 420 (nice) days until the midterm elections. A broken SCOTUS legalizes racial profiling, turning heads in Texas and some nice words about House Democrats.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it signs birthday cards like a normal non-creep.
Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, does anyone have even a shadow of a doubt anymore that Trump did lots of evil and gross shit with his best friend Jeffrey Epstein? Yeah, we don’t either. Because aside from the revelation of the actual birthday note, there was also the shocking, horrifying revelation that Epstein and Trump joked about selling women to each other…
WHAT THE EFFING FUCK?! Not only did these gross sonsofbitches rape and traffic kids, but apparently they thought it was hilarious. Sick fucks. But we wondered if maybe we were being unfair to see this evil as representative of the entire Republican Party. So we gathered a roundtable of GOPers to ask them. Here is the transcript…
Us: Hi, so we’ve assembled this roundtable of scum mostly to keep you away from kids for the next five minutes.
Matt Gaetz: Thanks for having us, guys!
Dennis Hastert: This is a really nice break from eating hog shit in hell.
Mark Foley: You guys remember me? I figured only the congressional pages and their therapists did!
Us: Ok, settle down, you disgusting freaks. Do you think Trump is innocent?
Gaetz: Most definitely! And charming and good-looking!
Hastert: Eh, he’s way too old for me.
Foley: Same.
Us: Gross. We changed our mind and don’t want to do this. We hope you all suffer endless misery and your gross little dicks fall off. Fuck off forever.
Sorry, SPs. We tried, but we accidentally grossed ourselves out in the process. Maybe some legacy media can notice the pattern though and start treating the GOP as the child-raping pervo party that it is. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: In case you missed it, we added to the confirmation that Trump did in fact sign that gross b-day card in his own unique and gross way. It’s truly fucked up that he still has a job and a political party behind him this morning.
Exclusive: We Have A Letter From Trump. That’s Definitely His Signature.
President Donald Trump lied about his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein.
Note three: JP Morgan helped Epstein build his evil rape empire, and if there was any justice, they’d be shut down today. More: New York Times. NY Post
Note four: Have you gotten the new covid vaccine and flu shot yet? We know the brain worm shithead hasn’t made it easy, but please protect yourself. Sam went yesterday, and even in L.A. he had to self-attest that he had a pre-existing condition. Luckily, being sexy as fuck counts.
Note five: Trump is obviously scared of Chicago. And given how much that awesome city hates his ass, he should be.
Note six: Israel bombed Qatar. So Trump didn’t end that war. Pretend to be surprised. More: Associated Press
Note seven: Rupert Murdoch’s family figured out their succession stuff. It’s a good-news-bad-news sitch. The bad news is that Fox News will continue to be evil. The good news is that Rupert will die someday. More: HuffPost
Note eight: And CBS is hiring a former Trump guy to be its ombudsman. So get ready for CBS to be worse than Fox. What a fucking shame. More: Hollywood Reporter
Note nine: The Bureau of Labor Statistics said that actually created 900,000 fewer jobs over the last year than was reported. Unfortunately we don’t believe a goddamn thing from BLS anymore. More: NBC News
Note 10: Congratulations to Molly Knight, who had the best joke on the internet yesterday…
Note 11: Yesterday the president of the United States made clear that he doesn’t think domestic abuse should be a crime. But we knew that from his first wife and pretty much everything he has said and done since. More: 19thNews
Note 12: A new poll out today from the New York Times shows Zohran Mamdani with a massive lead over his shithead opponents. If you listen closely, you can hear the billionaires crying. It’s quite beautiful. More: New York Times, ABC7NY
Note 13: Mamdani also continues to have the best ads we’ve seen in a long damn time. This one had us howling.
Note 14: Trump’s latest two weeks came and went and Russia is still killing innocent people. We’re starting to suspect that we’re not actually respected around the world again. More: NBC News
Note 15: This headline made us laugh. “Never-Married Laura Ingraham Scolds Young People for Not Prioritizing Marriage.” Fox News is a nutshell. More: Mediaite
Note 16: Oh goddamn the Trump trolling is getting savage and we love every last bit of it.
Note 17: We have long been super excited about the release of the Spinal Tap sequel. But now that we see they’re also taking shots at ICE, we might be first in line at the theater. More: HuffPost
Note 18: The academic freedom people just got a professor and their bosses fired at Texas A&M. It’s almost like the fascist bigots never cared about academic freedom at all. More: TexasTribune
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going to New Mexico, where we’re reminded that elections matter. Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham announced yesterday the state is now the first to offer free universal childcare. So this is what Democrats do for kids. And Republicans, well, you know. More: KRQE
Note 20: And on that awesome note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope your week is off to a good start. Or at least better than Trump’s. What a fucking creepshow. Love y’all!
Fuck SCOTUS
The Supreme Court is out of control and rubber-stamping fascism almost daily. Yesterday the court ruled that, for now, Trump’s goons can continue to harass people in Los Angeles simply because of how they look, the language they speak and where they work. Alleged rapist and beer enthusiast Brett Kavanaugh wrote that it shouldn’t be that big of a deal for people to carry their papers on them and that citizens are usually let go after a few minutes. Justice Sotomayor, who is a voice of clarity and truth in these dark times, called bullshit. She used examples of American citizens who were not let go after a brief search. She also made clear just how ugly and un-American this nightmare is. We are so grateful for Justice Sotomayor. At least there’s someone there screaming to the heavens about how wrong all this shit is. More: The Guardian, USA Today
Texan two-step
To be honest, we didn’t have Texas on our list of Senate pick-up possibilities this year. We were just gonna enjoy watching Cornyn and Paxton beat the shit out of each other and then brace for Texas to do Texas shit. We love Colin Allred, but we are realistic after his last run. We’re pretty intrigued to see state Rep. James Talarico get in the race. Talarico has emerged as a star as Texas Democrats have done everything they could to thwart the state Republicans’ redistricting bullshit. He’s a great communicator, and we believe he will make a great candidate. We don’t usually endorse in primaries, and we’ll stay out of this one too. But we would sure love to win that seat. More: HuffPost
Dems do good
Like most of y’all, we have been pretty down on our own party these last few months. There just hasn’t been enough fight for our liking. But we also don’t want to be the assholes who are constantly shitting on our own party. So when they do something good, we need to see it, say it and cheer for it. And Democrats on the House Oversight Committee did good. Rep. Robert Garcia and others pushed for a subpoena of the Epstein shit, and they are the ones who got that letter in front of the national news media. Trump and his party are desperate to make this story go away, and Democrats like Garcia and Ro Khanna deserve credit for continuing to fight for the victims and keep this story alive. Keep it up, Blue Team. More: Oversight Democrats
Today’s clips
President Donald Trump declined to discuss the letter to convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein that House Democrats released on Monday, calling it a “dead issue.” More: NBC News
A Michigan judge dismissed criminal charges Tuesday against a group of people who were accused of attempting to falsely certifying President Donald Trump as the winner of the 2020 election in the battleground state, a major blow to prosecutors as similar cases in four other states have been muddied with setbacks. More: Associated Press
The husband of the tech company employee seen embracing her boss on Coldplay’s audience "kiss cam" is speaking out for the first time since his wife went viral in July. More: NBC News
Organizers of a flotilla carrying aid for Gaza backed by activist Greta Thunberg said one the ships was hit by a drone on Tuesday while sailing through a port in Tunisia. More: The Hill
Street artist Banksy’s decades-long anonymity may be at risk after UK police launched a criminal damage investigation into his latest mural outside the Royal Courts of Justice in London that appeared Monday morning. More: Mediaite
A handwritten note addressed to Jeffrey Epstein by former President Bill Clinton has been released by Democrats sitting on the House Oversight Committee for the first time. More: Mediaite
 | A guest post by
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Time to defund the regime - do not pass a continuing resolution - shut down the corruption.
Congressman Ro Khanna, D CA, went to NYC to be on The Last Word last night specifically to thank Lawrence O'Donnell and his staff for having the survivors lawyer on in July. On that show he told O'Donnell the Epstein estate was in possession of the birthday book and if issued a subpoena they would release the book. O'Donnell gave credit to one of his producers for having the lawyer on the show.