Delayed/denied

It’s Saturday. There are 59 days until the general election. Cops endorse a rapist/felon/insurrectionist, justice is delayed/denied and the orange team seems worried about the debate.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. We really needed it today.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we are just straight up fucking confused. Longtime TBS readers know that one of our favorite movies is Steel Magnolias. And one of our favorite lines from that movie is when Dolly Parton’s Truvy Jones says one of the characters is “so confused he don’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.” Well that’s us today. And this is the crazy shit that has us like that…

Welp, welcome to the craziest goddamn time of your life, everybody. You’re now voting just like Dick Cheney. Pretty fucked up, right? Yeah, we’re furiously winding our butts and our watch itches like crazy. Everything is so upside-down batshit nuts that all we can thank to say is this — Welcome, Dick. Please don’t start any wars or shoot anyone in the face. Oh and when this is over and democracy is saved, please go right back to eating shit and kissing our asses.

Sorry. We had to get that out. But yeah, thanks to the Cheneys for doing the right thing and making us question everything we know about everything. What a time to be alive. Y’all have a blessed day. More: AP News

Note two: Sad news, everybody. Alan Dershowitz, the creep who defends Trump and got a massage at Epstein’s house, says he’s leaving the Democratic Party. Y’all try not to cry too much. Should we all offer to help that dirtbag fill out his GOP membership card? More: NY Post

Note three: HuffPo put together a list of all the former Republican presidents, vice presidents and running mates who are supporting Trump. It’s Sarah Palin. That’s it. Just one goddamn moron. More: HuffPost

Note four: In one of his rambling appearances yesterday, Trump said if he’s elected then RFK Jr. is “going to be watching out for women’s health.” If that ain’t the scariest shit we’ve ever heard then we don’t know what is.

Note five: Here’s Jackboot DerKissenassen (JD) Vance explaining why it’s ok his friend is so friendly with nazis…

Note six: Trump made another joke about Paul Pelosi yesterday. What an absolute piece of shit. More: Salon

Note seven: The Michigan Secretary of State is appealing after an appellate court in Michigan yesterday said RFK could be removed from the ballot. And ballots were supposed to be mailed out in North Carolina, but they’re delayed while they try to figure out if that nutjob will be on the ballot there. More: The Guardian

Note eight: RIP to Brazilian music genius Sergio Mendes. More: People

Note nine: Trump likes to say abortion is being left up to the states. Well what about states like Arkansas and Missouri where crooked officials won’t even let the people vote on it? More: NBC

Note 10: For today’s Happy Ending, we’d like to thank legendary rockers Spinal Tap for doing the right thing…

Back the bullshit

Yesterday the Fraternal Order of Police endorsed a convicted felon, an adjudicated rapist and a man who got more than 150 police officers injured when he launched a violent coup attempt against the United States of America. Yeah, it doesn’t get much more fucked up than this. Shame on the officers who betray their mission and the trust placed in them by their communities by supporting a criminal scumbag. Like the endorsement actually came on the same fucking day he was in court appealing the jury’s decision that he defamed a woman he raped. The same day he held a press conference where he talked about other women who have accused him of sexual assault! Someone please make it make sense!

More: The Hill, HuffPost

Delayed/denied

Speaking of a broken criminal justice system, Donald Trump is getting yet another delay as Judge Juan Merchan proved that threats and whining and attacking the judge’s daughter actually work. Yesterday Mechan agreed to delay Trump’s sentencing until after the election, meaning Trump successfully delayed every single one of his criminal cases. It is damn hard to have any faith in the concept of justice right now. So let’s beat that sorry sonofabitch at the ballot box and then hope one of these judges stops being chickenshit long enough to actually do their fucking jobs.

More: CNN

Scared shitless

So Trump and his gross friends seem worried about the debate. Last night, Sean Hannity’s whole show was about trying to intimidate ABC, even namechecking Disney CEO Bob Iger and threatening to boycott the theme parks if ABC’s host actually do their jobs. And Trump woke up this morning ranting about how MVP can’t stand on a box when they debate. So yeah, these losers are worried. And we think they should be.

NO LINK

Today’s clips

Republican vice presidential nominee Sen. JD Vance declined on Friday to rule out the use of family separations — a policy from Donald Trump’s first term in office — if he and the former president win back the White House, even as Homeland Security officials are currently working to reunify over 1,000 children with their families. More: NBC

Justice Samuel Alito reported Friday that he accepted $900 worth of concert tickets from a German princess, but disclosed no trips paid for by other people, according to a new financial disclosure form. More: NBC

Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Walz’s financial disclosure form highlights one of the things that make him unusual as a modern political candidate: the relative simplicity of his financial life. More: CNN