Cussing for Carroll (Enraged for E. Jean)

It’s Thursday. There are 159 days until the midterm elections. Trump didn’t solve inflation on Day One, Comer covers for Epstein and the Hunter Biden attackers were really full of crap.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it’s still rocking with Morris Day and Young MC.

Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots! You’re looking even more sexy and patriotic than usual today. We don’t know how you do it. Put it this way — you are to hotness what Donald Trump is to stupidity and bad hygiene. Ok you got us. We are buttering you up because we need to ask for a favor. Normally we use this space for something funny to ease us into the shitshow. But today, with your permission, we’d like to just go the fuck off. Because of this…

Sonofabitch! That lowdown sleazy motherfucker. He’s literally using the Department of fucking Justice to go after a woman he raped and defamed. What a fucking goddamn piece of shit! We are in fucking Saddam territory now. This is the most heinous stank-ass bullshit we’ve ever seen. We have literal goddamn steam coming out of our fucking ears because this is fucking insane!!! Every time we think our passionate hate for this piece of shit has leveled off to a new normal level, he goes and finds a new Mt. Everest of suck and we find a capacity to hate someone we didn’t know existed. That’s not even good writing. That’s how fucking pissed we are. Goddamn we hate him. We really, really, really hate him. Just a miserable piece of wet hog shit. Fuck!

We take some comfort in knowing that E. Jean Carroll has already kicked this orange bitch’s ass all over the place many, many times, and we’re sure she ain’t sweating this shakedown from a bunch of cheap thugs. But it’s still one of the grossest fucking things we’ve ever seen, and we sure as shit won’t be forgetting about it. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: While we’re all already furious, we thought we’d keep it going by sharing this story about Sam Alito’s scumbag son working for Trump at the Treasury Department. So much for draining the fucking swamp. More: NOTUS

Note three: Oh and Trump’s goons are trying to put his face on a $250 bill. Everyone shaking with rage yet? We swear that wasn’t our intention today. More: The Independent

Note four: If you need some therapy at this point, we get it. We did a session yesterday, and you can get caught up here.

Note five: This is for the seven of you who haven’t already punched a hole in the living room wall…

Note six: A Trump judge says he’s just fine with Trump’s attack on American elections. This asshole probably thinks he’s better than the Jan. 6 scum. But he’s really just one of them. More: HuffPost

Note seven: Now for some good news — Morris Day and the Time and Young MC have announced they will not be performing at Trump’s “Freedom 250” festival just one day after their involvement was announced. Phew. Thank goodness. Because we were pretty bummed to lose these guys to MAGA. More: Variety

Note eight: But don’t worry. Milli Vanilli will still be performing, and goddamnit that’s pretty perfect for Trump. More: The Independent

Note nine: In other concert news, Bruce Springsteen just rocked DC and he’ s coming back to give the finger to Trump with Tom Morello. We freaking love this. More: WUSA9

Note 10: Gavin Newsom drives us insane. But we appreciate that he probably drives the Trumpers even insaner. This is a baller move…

Note 11: Yesterday Trump threatened to blow up yet another country. It barely made the news. More: The Guardian

Note 12: The Democratic National Committee has called Stephen Miller an “ugly fuck.” We find this to be accurate and a welcome stating of fact. Stephen Miller is an ugly fuck. So is his wife and probably his kids. More: The Hill

Note 13: Trump says he doesn’t care about the midterms. That’s good. Because he’s going to get his ass whooped.

Note 14: Whoa. Talarico brought in $3 million in the 24 hours after Ken Paxton got the Republican nomination. No wonder Republicans are so scared of him. And his tacos. More: The Hill

Note 15: The founder of Students for Trump was arrested for assaulting his girlfriend. Be warned that the details are horrifying. This piece of shit is really angling for a cabinet position. More: Defector

Note 16: Btw, we’re still at war with Iran. We assume it will be over in two weeks. More: NBC News

Note 17: We really, really need to beat this creepy sonofabitch…

Note 18: It’s almost a new month, and that means a new list of important elections from our friends at Bolts Mag. Choose your fighters and get involved! More: Bolts Mag

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re talking CBS. No, really. We want to thank student journalist Santiago Campos for calling out the corporate garbage at the network even though they gave him tuition money. Maybe some of the MSM journalists could ask him to borrow some of his courage…

Note 20: And on that note that made us stand up and applaud, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great and short week, and we hope today’s newsletter didn’t make you too fucking angry. But it sure did to us. Love y’all!

Day Onen’t

It turns out that President Shit-for-brains didn’t solve inflation on Day One like he said he would. Yeah, we’re shocked too. Trump’s dumbfuck war in Iran has sent inflation skyrocketing to its highest level in three years. The Federal Reserve’s measuring stick for inflation jumped to 3.8 percent in April. And if you take away food and gas, it still went up to 3.3 percent. This is why Trump and his scum are so desperate to rig the midterms. Because Americans are broke and fucking furious.

More: CNN

Comer’s Cover-Up

Rep. James Comer wants to be governor of Kentucky. He’s lucky that voters there don’t care about Republicans who cover for pedophiles because that’s exactly what Comer is doing. Pam Bondi is going to testify tomorrow. It will be behind closed doors, it won’t be videotaped and she won’t be under oath. So yeah, Comer is covering up the cover-up of a child rape ring. It’s pretty insane to us that the press doesn’t make a bigger deal of this, but we expect very little these days.

More: American Oversight

About that fucking laptop

For four goddamn years, all we heard was how corrupt Hunter Biden was. And then the Trump boys came along and made him look like the amateur he is. The Trump White House literally stepped in to steer a $620 million deal to one of Don Jr.’s companies. We know we could say this about a lot of things these days, but this is just open corruption and it needs to be called out. Loudly. And shame on every media outlet who spent years attacking Hunter but turn a blind eye to this crap.

More: ProPublica

Today’s clips

Gov. Gavin Newsom made it officially official.

He’s endorsing Mayor Karen Bass in her campaign for another term as mayor of Los Angeles. More: NBC Los Angeles

Quarterback Jaxson Dart has faced backlash after introducing Donald Trump at a recent political rally, with some defenders arguing the appearance was simply about honoring a president rather than endorsing Trump’s politics. More: MeidasNews

In the next five years, the Earth is overwhelmingly likely to surge again and again past the international climate threshold set as safe and shatter its hottest-year record along the way, according to new United Nations climate projections. More: NBC News

LOS ANGELES — Matthew Perry’s personal assistant was sentenced Wednesday to three years and five months in federal prison for giving the “Friends” star the ketamine injections that left the actor dead of an overdose in a hot tub back in 2023. More: NBC News

Former first lady Jill Biden said in an interview clip released Wednesday that she thought her husband, former President Joe Biden, was “having a stroke” during his critical June 2024 debate, which catalyzed the chain of events that eventually led him to drop out of the presidential election. More: NBC News

Immigration officers made more than 4,000 arrests and shot multiple people, two fatally, before “Operation Metro Surge” wound down in February, leaving an imprint on the psyches of young children that could haunt them for years, mental health providers say. More: AP

CBS News will not renew the contract of a “60 Minutes” correspondent whose segment on torture in Salvadoran prisons was initially pulled before it could air.

Sharyn Alfonsi told The New York Times that her current contract expired on Saturday and CBS News has no plans to renew it. More: HuffPost

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