Convention week, baby!

Today’s Big Stuff. August 19, 2024

It’s Monday. There are 78 days until the general election. Let’s talk about the “Kamala effect,” Trump messes with the wrong global pop star and it’s convention week, baby!

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. It allowed us to react appropriately when we heard Trump say he’s better looking than Vice President Harris. 

Note: Well hey there, Sexy Patriots! You’re looking finer than frog hair and super fired up to save our country while also making history. Well we are too. Especially the part about being finer than frog hair. It’s going to be an awesome week in Chicago. We’re unified, we’re well-funded, we’re excited, we’re running against some weird twisted assheads and we’ve got a ticket that is locked in on super kick-ass mode. Vice President Kamala Harris has unified and energized the party in a shockingly short amount of time, and this week she’s going to get us ready to bring this thing home. 

But before she does, we just want to take a second to point to this anecdote about when VP Harris was a U.S. Senator and she met ex-Sen. Richard Burr for the first time. Read this and then let’s follow this woman into the battle for our democracy like she’s motherflippin’ Braveheart…

Holy freaking shit. That’s our candidate. Let’s make it a great week. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: By the way, we didn’t invent that thing about Trump saying he’s better looking than VP Harris. Now we’re not the type of newsletter to comment on the Vice President’s appearance, but we will say it is commonly accepted knowledge that VP Harris is quite stunning. On the flipside, it is commonly accepted knowledge that Trump looks like an anus. More: ABC News

Note three: Tonight at the convention is one of the most important nights as the party says thank you to President Joe Biden for a lifetime of service and one of the most successful presidencies in American history. President Biden’s selflessness and love for his country represent the best of our party, and we’re probably gonna sob like babies tonight. More: CNN

Note four: Yikes. Trump tried to clarify his shocking Medal of Honor remarks this morning by saying the exact same shit over again. He ain’t the brightest. 

Note five: If you want to know why Trump’s Truth Social feed looks like a serial killer’s manifesto, you need only look at the woman who is kicking his ass.

Note six: House Republicans released their impeachment report on President Biden today. It’s entitled “We’re full of shit and Joe didn’t do anything wrong.” Or something like that. More: Axios

Note seven: Have you checked your voter registration lately? Please do. There’s a lot of mischief happening out there. More: IWillVote.com

Note eight: Here’s a political tip — if the whole country thinks your candidate is super weird, then maybe don’t give him talking points that include Jeffrey Epstein. Maybe JD stands for Jeffrey’s Dude? More: Huff Post

Note nine: Labor unions are going to have a prominent spot in tonight’s convention line-up. Teamster President Sean O’Brien, who thought he’d be cute and speak at the Republican convention, has not been invited. Sucks for him. More: CBS News

Note 10: Trump spent the weekend very confused about where he was… Let’s help him get back to Florida, shall we?

Note 11: Republicans are helping Cornel West get on the ballot in swing states. What else do you need to know about that silly crap? More: Associated Press

Note 12: Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is speaking tonight. Given that she’s been right about every goddamn thing, maybe we should all listen to her. More: CNN

Note 13: We have no idea what the hell any of this means, but we bet people from Nebraska do.

Note 14: RIP to Phil Donahue. We’re sure gonna miss watching him while we stay home sick from school and Grandma watches her stories. More: Today

Note 15: The Georgia State Board of Elections continues to scare the hell out of us while really pissing us off. More: AJC

Note 16: Did y’all see the Harris-Walz Pennsylvania bus tour yesterday? They are freaking crushing it. They even took some time to work the phones. More: The Associated Press

Note 17: Lindsey Graham said this weekend that Republicans won’t “win or lose based on abortion.” He only believes that because he’s never actually spoken to a woman. More: The Hill

Note 18: For today’s Happy Ending, we just want to show you more heart-warming footage of our candidate so you can compare her to the dog-hating scumbag she’s running against. Seriously, Trump could not do this…

Note 19: And on that adorable note, let’s go do some news! This is gonna be a fun and exciting week, Sexy Patriots, and we know you are super fired up. Probably more than Dick Burr anyway. Love y’all!

The ‘Kamala Effect’
So we’re not usually the types of people to take Politico all that seriously — especially since they keep asking for our email address — but we were blown away by this story that ran over the weekend. In the wake of VP Harris’s rise, Democrats are seeing polling that shows her lifting all boats, with Sen. Schumer talking seriously about keeping the Senate and House Democrats believing they can retake the House. According to the story, House Democrats have seen an average bump of 5 points in the polls. Our favorite detail from this story is that part of the campaign this plan is to have Tim Walz go to high school football games with candidates in competitive races. Just brilliant politics. The wind is at our backs, but we’ve still got work to do. Let’s go!!! More: Politico

Big mistake
So of all the crazy fucked up shit Trump did this weekend — and there was a lot — messing with Taylor Swift might have been the dumbest. In a bizarre and unsettling Truth Social marathon, Trump used altered photos to make it seem like Swift is endorsing him. He even wrote on one of them, “I accept.” So how long until Tay Tay embarrasses the living shit out of him and endorses VP Harris? More: Deadline

Let’s go
Ok so we’ve talked about it a lot already, but it’s convention week in Chicago for Democrats. Vice President Harris got there last night, and we have a slate of awesome kick-ass speakers every night. Let’s get psyched, y’all. This is gonna be fun! More: Huff Post

Today’s clips
Pennsylvania Gov. Josh Shapiro said antisemitism played no role in his not becoming the Democratic Party’s vice presidential nominee, as Donald Trump has charged. More: NBC News

Former Trump chief of staff and retired Marine Gen. John Kelly rejected former President Donald Trump’s comments that the Presidential Medal of Freedom that honors civilians was “much better” than the Medal of Honor given to service members, telling CNN that the two honors are “Not even close. No equivalency of any kind.” More: CNN

“Learning from the experiences of others” has motivated Danielle Fishel go public with her diagnosis of breast cancer. More: CNN