Come on, Badger State
Happy Friday. There are 585 days until the midterm elections. Trump wants to nazify the zoo, military pilots condemn Passed Out Pete and come on, Wisconsin.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. Shit is crazy.
Note: Sexy Patriots! You made it through another week in stupid dangerous fuckhead country so congrats! We’re sorry to start off so bitter today, but we are freaking steamed over the way we’re treating our Canadian friends. And this opening note was going to be a sincere and heartfelt apology to our Northern neighbors but first we have to piss ourselves laughing at this…
LOSER!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Oh god that is so fucking funny! Oh yes, sometimes bad things do happen to horrible shitass people and it’s just delightful. Nobody has kissed more orange butt, debased herself more or talked more shit than this repugnant little monster and we think it is fucking hilarious that she has to slither back to Congress. It’s one of the silver linings of this horrible time – every once in a while, you get to see one of these dirtbags eat shit. And it’s really, really funny when they do. Hope you didn’t order new business cards, Elise! LOL!!!
Oh man we can barely breathe. That shit is funny. Maybe we should do the Canadian apology another day. We want to spend some time on it, and we know the country that has given us so much comedy will appreciate our pressing need to point and laugh at the misfortune of a total assheaded clown like Elise Doofusanik. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: The funniest part of the Elise stuff is just how scared Republicans are right now. They’re worried about losing a Trump +20 district? Good. Then let’s really scare them on April 1 in Florida!
Note three: We really do need to apologize to Greenland today. HIDE YOUR COUCHES, GREENLAND!
Note four: Speaking of Greenland, the major parties there have come together to unify in the face of idiotic orange threats. Trump is bringing countries together. Just not ours.
Note five: Man, it is just so fucked up we’ve driven Canada to this. They fought with us after Sept. 11.
Note six: A HUGE thank you to the big law firms who have decided to fight back against Trump’s authoritarian bullshit. Paul Weiss really looking like a bunch of wusses these days. Is that good for lawyers?
Note seven: It’s paywalled in the New York Times, but hooray for Hillary for asking – “How much dumber will this get?”
Note eight: Last night, Trump waged a massive attack on labor unions. So big congrats to the UAW for cheering him on earlier this week and to the Teamsters for supporting his campaign. Hope this is what you wanted.
Note nine: Thanks to the folks at Bolts for putting together this handy list of upcoming elections. We have a lot of work to do!
Note 10: We have a question for Liddle Marco – What kind of chickenshit country is scared of a college student writing op-eds? Aren’t we supposed to be a goddamn marketplace of ideas?
Note 11: NBC is reporting that Trump thinks Mike Waltz is an idiot too. Good thing he’s our national security advisor.
Note 12: Remember Judge Boasberg? Well he’s demanding all those Signal idiots keep their messages. Let’s see who complies.
Note 13: The Trump administration is apparently backing down on its decision to give Putin a pass for kidnapping thousands of children. Maybe that sentence should be a lyric in Lee Greenwood’s next song.
Note 14: Speaking of doing favors for Putin, Trump’s thugs took a Harvard scientist who is a Russian critic of Putin’s. So Trump is going to help Putin hunt down his enemies? Even for Trump, that’s pretty fucking evil.
Note 15: How many different drugs do we think Melvin Elon Leon is on here? And why the hell is his kid there wailing the whole time? Is there nothing that’s too weird for the Fox freaks?
Note 16: If you’re looking to adopt a men’s March Madness team, Sam is welcoming everyone to cheer for Kentucky tonight. And before you say something about Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul, please remember that Kentucky also gave the world Muhammad Ali, Hunter S. Thompson and Florence Henderson.
Note 17: Vivian Wilson is our freaking hero. We pretty much stand up and start clapping every single time she eviscerates her loser pops.
Note 18: Putin has given Trump his blessing to start acting like a psycho fuckhead and invading peaceful countries. Yay?
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we take you to Maine. Despite having total weenies like Susan Collins and Jared Golden, the state does have some real leaders with some real guts and they’re telling Trump to go fuck himself. This is the way.
Note 20: And on that inspiring note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a great week and have an even better weekend. And if you’re down, just remember that you’re not Elise Stefanik. That always cheers us right up. Love y’all!
Nazi zoo
In one of his creepiest executive orders yet, Heir Trump has decided that he wants to fix the Smithsonian institutions and the National Zoo. Yeah, there’s just too much dang anti-American truth and stuff in those places, so Trump is attempting a power grab and trying to remove exhibits that aren’t racist enough for him. Oh and he wants to restore all the racist monuments and shit that we already took down. All the while, his administration is erasing anything that honors the accomplishments of prominent women, Black and Brown people. Remember when all those big time reporters just weren’t sure if this birther asshole was racist or not? Well let us help them out. HE IS!
Someone wake up, Pete
And show him the New York Times story from yesterday in which a bunch of military pilots sound off about how stupid and dangerous it is to make a massive mistake like letting a reporter on a Signal chat about war plans and then refusing to own that mistake. In a pretty brutal takedown that would be really bad for a Democratic president, the pilots said that Trump and Hegseth are going to get someone killed if they can’t even acknowledge how badly they fucked up. We’re with the pilots.
Come on, Badger State
Well, Wisconsin, we’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that Melvin Elon Leon Musk is headed to your state Sunday to do a town hall and try to bribe more voters with rigged $1 million giveaways. The good news is that you have a chance to tell him to go fuck himself and that Wisconsin isn’t for sale. The big election for the state Supreme Court is on Tuesday. Polls look good but who gives a shit about that after what we went through last November? We need to keep working, working, working to win this fucking seat. Make him eat it, Wisconsin!
Today’s clips
A powerful earthquake rocked Myanmar and neighboring Thailand on Friday, destroying buildings, a bridge and a dam. At least 144 people were killed in Myanmar, where photos and video from two hard-hit cities showed extensive damage. At least eight died in the Thai capital, where a high-rise under construction collapsed.
Israel on Friday launched an attack on the Lebanese capital, Beirut, for the first time since a ceasefire ended the latest Israel-Hezbollah war in November.
The White House appeared to revel in its cruelty when it used an AI-created cartoon to mock a Dominican migrant who was detained by ICE earlier this month.
The Trump administration is asking the Supreme Court to intervene in the Alien Enemies Act case and vacate a judge's ruling barring deportations under the rarely-used wartime power.
My husband was just confronted by musk’s goons in the Walmart parking lot in Jefferson, Wi. They were trying to give him money to sign a petition. He yelled at them and got the store management to kick them out. You should be aware that this is happening
$$$ talks and there are plenty of suckers in Wisconsin. It’s a battle for sure. It’s corruption, people‼️ And DOGE will kill our state!
Let’s see what kind of spine my fellow voters have on April 1st.