C’mon, Jack
C’mon, Jack
It’s Tuesday. There are 70 days until the general election. Democrats get tough in Georgia, Jack Smith ain’t done in Florida and Project 2025 is super expensive.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. CNN made us do it.
Note: Hey there, Sexy Patriots! Today’s opening note is about gratitude. Yeah, today we are thanking the pollsters who are warning us about overconfidence…
LOL! Seriously? Gee thanks, Captain fucking Obvious. Yeah, no shit we’re not getting overconfident. We’re not crazy and/or stupid. That’s the other side. What we are is painfully goddamn aware of how much 2016 hurt, how much the fall of Roe hurt, how much the attack on our Capitol hurt and how much every single miserable fucking day Trump was in office hurt. So we can understand why people might be worried about overconfidence, but ain’t nobody around here throwing any parades yet.
And that’s ok. First comes the work. And thanks to Kamala Harris and Tim Walz, there is great joy in the work. Just as there will be great joy in kicking some orange ass all over the place. So no, we are not overconfident. We are doing the work. We are making the calls, we are knocking on doors, we are spreading the word. But thanks for the No-Shit-Sherlock advice. We’re looking forward to the next warning about how we shouldn’t put our faces in the garbage disposal. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: Did you see the numbnuts GOPer who tried to attack Tim Walz over petting another dog at the dog park? These people are broken. And they got nuthin’. Now leave that man’s dog alone! More: HuffPost
Note three: It is just beyond idiotic that there are voters who think Trump is better for the economy than MVP. Her campaign agrees, and they are going on offense to let voters know that Trump will explode the deficit. This is where policy and politics meet, and we love that shit. More: NBC
Note four: So this is some really good news — for the first time in 24 hours, we don’t have any new news about RFK Jr. torturing any dead animals. So we’ve got that going for us.
Note five: LOL! The Harris campaign got Trump to go around his advisers and agree that he was ok with live mics. It’s sure not hard to tell which campaign is setting the pace these days.
Note six: Thank you to Esquire for asking “How the hell was Donald Trump allowed to use Arlington National Cemetery as a campaign prop?” And shame on every news organization that didn’t ask the exact same question. More: Esquire
Note seven: Mark Zuckerberg is a scumbag who wishes he could have spread more COVID misinformation and plans to do so if there’s another pandemic. It was probably a mistake to make these maladjusted 40-year-old virgins our new overlords. More: HuffPost
Note eight: We can’t BELIEVE we forgot to mention this yesterday, but did y’all see they’re going to do another season of Ted Lasso? We doubt she had anything to do with it, but we’re giving credit to Kamala. More: Deadline
Note nine: This was a big one yesterday. More than 200 alums from the Bush, McCain and Romney campaigns endorsed MVP and shat upon Trump. More: USA Today
Note 10: Seriously what the hell is wrong with this idiot? And of course we’re talking about the cheesing moron giving a thumbs up at a grave and not Luke Skywalker who is awesome.
Note 11: We’re sorry to ruin your day, but apparently SCOTUS is hearing another case that deals with abortion. We didn’t even know about this one. More: Vox
Note 12: This is a funny story about how Trump needs Elon but doesn’t like him. It’s always hilarious when awful shitheads hate each other for being awful shitheads. More: Rolling Stone
Note 13: Want to be really scared? RFK Jr. isn’t just endorsing Trump. He’s also going to be on the transition team if Trump wins. Y’all really want that deranged motherfucker running Health and Human Services or the CIA? More: Axios
Note 14: Yeehaw! According to Treasury’s Lily Adams, consumer confidence is at a six-month high and gas prices are at a six-month low. Thanks, Joe and Kamala!
Note 15: We are neither young enough nor hip enough to know who Charli XCX is, but the rest of the world does and that’s why we think this is so freaking awesome… More: Rolling Stone
Note 16: A judge in Pennsylvania ruled that state Republicans were being dicks when they told voters their mail-in ballots were rejected and wouldn’t count. Republicans sure do hate people voting. More: AP
Note 17: LOL! Trump’s campaign is spending $50,000 to run ads around Mar-a-Lago to make him and his donors feel better. Feels good to know it ain’t your money, don’t it?
Note 18: Yesterday was the first day of the task force meeting to investigate the assassination attempt on Trump. All six Democrats on the committee showed up. But only three of seven Republicans did. They seem to be taking this very seriously. More: Meidas Touch News
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we give you Nick Offerman bringing his hit song “Proud to be a Kamala man” to the masses. We sure do love us some Ron Swanson.
Note 20: And on that fabulous note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week so far and not getting too overconfident. We’re kidding. We know better. Love y’all!
Git ‘em
Democrats are tired of watching the fuckery going on at the Georgia Elections Board, and they are going to war. Thank goodness. Trump and his dipshit friends have been very clearly plotting to block certification of the election results in Georgia this November, so the DNC and the state party are suing to prevent the “chaos” that would come with Trump’s next coup attempt. The one nice thing about Trump people is they are stupid and they usually tell you the illegal shit they’re going to do before they do it.
More: AP News
C’mon, Jack
Yesterday Special Counsel Jack Smith filed his appeal of “Judge” Aileen Cannon’s dismissal of the stolen classified documents case, telling the 11th Circuit that it’s pretty goddamn ridiculous to say special counsels are illegally appointed. Of all the Trump cases, this one makes us the maddest because it is the most obvious and it is the most obviously corrupt. After all, we had a whole fucking election about national security secrets. Grrrrrr..
More: NPR
Yikes
So we know Project 2025 is batshit nuts and will cost America its soul. But now we know it will cost a lot of money too. According to American Progress, Trump’s second term nazi plans would raise costs on middle-class families by about $6,000 a year. Anyone want to pay more to live in a fascist shithole run by an angry gameshow host? Yeah, we don’t either.
More: American Progress
Today’s clips
A Bedouin man who was held hostage in Gaza for more than 10 months was rescued by Israeli forces on Tuesday, Israeli officials announced. More: NBC News
Mariah Carey is grieving the recent deaths of her mother and sister, who the singer says died “on the same day.” More: CNN
The recent US Supreme Court decision changing voter registration rules in Arizona has voting rights advocates anxious about how the justices will approach emergency election appeals in the runup to the November election. More: CNN
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