Booooooo!!!!!!

It’s Monday. There are 106 days until the midterm elections. The FBI covers up ICE crimes, gas prices are back on the rise and Trump gets more soldiers killed for his stupid goddamn war.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it has never been booed at the World Cup.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! And welcome back to the shitshow. How was your weekend? Did you embarrass the living hell out of yourself and your country by wandering into a World Cup champion team photo? No? Well then you must not be an idiot like the president of the United States. Yeah, the whole world is laughing at our dumbfuck president except for the part of the world that is killing U.S. troops Trump sent to die in a stupid war. That’s probably why cankles got this reception from the crowd in New Jersey yesterday…

Wait a minute! That’s our favorite song! BOOOOOOOOO!!!!! It’s always so fucking heartwarming whenever Trump steps out of the Mar-a-Lago Epstein bubble and comes face to face with a nation that hates his orange ass. And it wasn’t just the boos, though they were considerable (according to the White House pool report, the ambient crowd noise was about 78 decibels and “booing brought it to 84”). The world is also laughing big time at Trump for trying to crash the team photo and just generally making a fucking fool of himself on yet another global stage.

All in all, we enjoyed the hell out of this tournament. It was a great reminder that the world can come together and most of us are better than our politicians. It was also a great reminder that the president is a corrupt moron who gets his stink all over everything. Congrats to Spain. Sorry about the fucking idiot in your picture. Y’all have a blessed day. More: HuffPost

Note two: This is so funny. Couchfuck and his wife had a baby this weekend. And Trump shared the first photo of the child. We’re shocked he didn’t declare himself the father. You know JD would have gone along with it. More: USA Today

Note three: The FDA is now saying that Taylor Farms wasn’t the source of Don-arrhea that has the country shitting itself. But Taylor Farms also gave money to Trump and went to the White House, so there’s really no way in hell we can believe any of this. More: NBC News

Note four: Nolan Wells is being laid to rest today. We still don’t have an autopsy report or any answers about how he died. That is unacceptable. More: NBC News

Note five: Andrew and Tristan Tate, two good buddies of the Trump administration, were arrested this weekend in Miami on charges of rape and human trafficking. Our first question is why the fuck were they in our country and our second question is where did Andrew get this blouse?

Note six: Congratulations to the U.K. on their new prime minister. That’s their seventh in a decade. It’s like they’re trying to make us look sane and competent (we are neither). More: NBC News

Note seven: Well, it looks like we have a new Senate candidate in Maine. Hopefully we can put the ugliness behind us, unite around Troy Jackson and beat Susan Collins. More: WMTW

Note eight: Some asshole from Journey says Bruce Springsteen should shut up. Hey bro, don’t stop believing that you can kiss our asses. More: HuffPost

Note nine: Every time we went online this weekend, we saw Republicans attacking a movie and we saw Democrats attacking each other. Good to know that everyone’s priorities are truly fucked.

Note 10: Sure is weird how this keeps happening. Imagine being in a family with Tulsi Gabbard and she somehow isn’t the worst one…

Note 11: Trump is such a loser that he can’t even take a bribe jet without fucking it up. More: NBC News

Note 12: This dude made a statue of Charlie Kirk, believing it would raise millions of dollars. Instead, he just keeps getting emails from people telling him they’re going to piss on his sculpture. LOL. More: The Guardian

Note 13: Lindsey Graham is still dead. More: Politico

Note 14: We’ve seen a lot of so-called moderate Democrats online talking like Bill Maher. Folks, if you’re ok with JD Vance because you’re scared of young people who don’t like war, then you’re a MAGA chode. It’s that simple. And Bill, please go fuck yourself. More: The Hill

Note 15: Back on Trump’s World Cup humiliation, we just had to share this one with y’all…

Note 16: Kevin O’Leary and Fox News are being sued for lying. More like Mr. Piece of Shit, right? More: The Hill

Note 17: One of the most underreported stories in America right now is how Elon Musk is poisoning Black communities. If this man never faces accountability, then we should all stop pretending justice is a real thing. More: CNBC

Note 18: If you can avoid flying United Airlines, you should. One of their employees threatened to call ICE on one of their customers, and they can’t even bring themselves to condemn it. Every time we think we can’t hate the airlines more, they surprise us. More: NBC News

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re staying with ICE. We don’t know if this video is old or new, but we know it captures the American spirit that we’re looking for these days. Fuck ICE.

Note 20: And on that inspirational note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a great weekend and don’t have to be photoshopped out of any pictures. Because how fucking embarrassing would that be? Love y’all!

ICE Investigating ICE

Over the weekend, the NYT dropped a bombshell story that revealed the FBI has told ICE that the agency will not investigate the latter’s crimes. Instead, ICE will investigate itself. So no matter how many people ICE murders, the FBI and Kash Patel are going to look the other way. We don’t have to tell y’all how extremely fucked up that is. Right after this news broke, fathead Tom Homan went on the Sunday shows and lied about everything. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again — abolish ICE.

More: CNBC, The Guardian

Thanks, Trump

It turns out that Trump was not correct when he said gas prices would be coming down fast. Or when he said that the Strait of Hormuz is open. Or really when he says anything. With the war against Iran spreading throughout the region, oil and gas prices are back on the rise and the national average for a gallon of gas in the U.S. just hit $4. And that’s just the financial cost of this stupid fucking war. Over the weekend, we were reminded that there are other, more painful costs.

More: AP

The Last Full Measure of Devotion

Trump has repeatedly told the world that Iran’s military is defeated. That was disproved this weekend when we lost three more troops. Two were killed in Jordan, and one was killed in Iraq. From the start of this war, Trump and Pete Hegseth have done everything possible to cover up the damage Iran has caused with its counterattacks. They have downplayed troop deaths and injuries. And they still can’t tell us what the fuck these brave Americans died for. But sure, let’s talk more about casting in the Odyssey.

More: NBC News

Today’s clips

SOUTH HAVEN, Mich. (AP) — Senate candidate Haley Stevens talks often about manufacturing, taking on President Donald Trump and why she’s the Democrat best positioned to win Michigan. The congresswoman has far less to say about the pro-Israel group that has spent millions trying to get her elected.

The American Israel Public Affairs Committee, or AIPAC, and its affiliated groups have spent close to $30 million backing Stevens — their largest investment ever in a single race — as they seek to defeat progressive favorite Abdul El-Sayed in the Aug. 4 primary. More: AP

WASHINGTON (AP) — Arizona Republicans will choose a nominee in a state primary Tuesday to challenge Democratic Gov. Katie Hobbs in November. Voters across the state will also set the general election matchups for competitive U.S. House seats and for a full range of state and local offices. More: AP

BUNIA, Congo (AP) — The death toll in Congo’s Ebola outbreak has risen to at least 930, the country’s Ministry of Health said on Monday, with 37 new deaths reported in a 24-hour span Friday into Saturday, one of the highest totals. More: AP

Ukraine fired more than 400 drones toward Moscow in its latest major attack on the Russian capital, the city’s mayor said Monday. More: HuffPost

Former President Joe Biden’s son, Hunter Biden, weighed in on what he thinks Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) could be hiding about his sex life in a wild interview. More: HuffPost