Booing Epstein’s best friend

It’s Monday. There are 477 days until the midterm elections. Killer Kristi lies about her killing, Trump takes a ratio over his best friend Jeffrey Epstein and America boos the buttheads.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it has never been booed at a soccer game. (Don’t fact-check that.)

Note: It’s happening, Sexy Patriots! It’s really happening! After years of getting our asses kicked all over the high road, elected Democrats are learning how to get in the dirt and throw some punches. And it’s so damn satisfying to watch…

Oh fuck yeah. We need a cigarette after watching that hot shit. And it wasn’t just Georgia’s Mr. Fine getting narsty either. AOC, a serious brawler, called Trump a “rapist” this weekend, the DNC is trolling Trump nonstop over the files, House Democrats are daring Republicans to oppose a vote to release the files and Gavin Newsom’s office referred to Stephen Miller as a “fascist cuck.” That last one was about something else, but it made us laugh so we included it. Miller is a fascist cuck. LOL. Nicely done.

As a newsletter that has long endorsed pulling out rusty (metaphorical) machetes and fighting our scumbag opponents in the shit-filled gutters where they live, we are damn happy to see our party moving away from its high-minded we’re-better-than-this ivory tower approach to politics that often leads to us picking our wedgied underwear from our buttcracks. This kind of brutal non-poll-tested rock-throwing is exactly what we’ve needed for a while now. Let’s get nasty.

So keep that mud coming, Democrats. We’re fighting a soulless assmonster and conventional and civil methods have proved useless. It’s time to hit this gross sonofabitch dick-tator with a dose of his own livestock medicine. Trump was best friends with a human-trafficking child rapist, and he likely did the same. He needs to eat that shit, and we need to feed it to him. Open wide, ya sick fuck. Y’all have a blessed day. More: HuffPost

Note two: Speaking of conspiracy theories that we believe, yesterday was the anniversary of that time some broken glass hit Trump’s ear while one of his supporters murdered a firefighter. The Associated Press wrote a story using Roger Stone as a source to say Trump was changed by the experience. We will not be linking to that stupid shit. NO LINK ON PURPOSE

Note three: This is still America, so some people were tragically shot over the weekend. We’re sending love to Sam’s native Kentucky. More: NBC News

Note four: In a desperate attempt to distract from the talk about his best friend Jeffrey Epstein, Trump said he might strip Rosie O’Donnell of her citizenship. She ate his fucking lunch in response. More: HuffPost

Note five: It’s so goddamn funny to us that these freaks think they can just say “let’s move on” from the Epstein story like that doesn’t make it worse. We hope this asshole enjoys talking about this stuff while he’s running for governor…

Note six: How much of a stank-ass sewer is twitter these days? Elmo got hacked. Yes, that Elmo. And it got dark. More: Mediaite

Note seven: A bunch of weird grown men freaking out about woke couldn’t stop the Man of Steel. It only stopped them from getting girlfriends. More: NBC News

Note eight: Wow! Trump won yet another golf tournament at his country club. Can you believe it? Yeah, we can’t either. But there are way too many dumb motherfuckers out there who do. More: HuffPost

Note nine: Gov. Andy Beshear was on Meet the Press this weekend and said he’s going to look at running for president. We’re not endorsing anyone, but we like Andy and we hope he goes for it. More: NBC News

Note 10: Wow. This is the head of FEMA. Dude looks like he’s the disaster he should be responding to.

Note 11: This is a bummer. The lodge on the North Rim of the Grand Canyon was destroyed by a wildfire. Don’t you wish we had a federal government who cared about dealing with this kinda shit? More: NBC News

Note 12: Sigh. We think the Biden autopen story is some of the dumbest crap imaginable, but we are technically a newsletter so here’s a link if you want to read about it. More: The Hill

Note 13: ProPublica wanted to see the governor of Texas’ emails with Elon Musk. The guv said they were too “embarrassing” to share. Now we really want to see them. More: ProPublica

Note 14: Is it bad that Trump and Stephen Miller are destroying nursing homes? Because that seems really fucking bad to us. Can you imagine the coverage if Obama had did this? Oh wait. They accused him of death panels when all he was doing was getting people healthcare. More: Associated Press

Note 15: Want to see something hilarious? Look at how Jiggly Dudeboobies (JD) Vance runs. LOL. He must be sore from sexing up the furniture.

Note 16: Thank you to the Miami Herald for doing important journalism about the poor bastards being kept at the Everglades Immigrant Interment Camp. And thank you to the Democrats who visited there this weekend to shine a line on those human rights abuses. If this is what great again looks like, then no thanks. More: Miami Herald, Miami Herald II, NBC News

Note 17: So when Trump fires Powell, the economy is gonna tank, right? Maybe someone should ask him why, if his economic policies are so great, he needs the fed to bail his sorry ass out. More: CNBC

Note 18: How deranged is Pam Bondi? She just dropped charges against a doctor who falsified vaccine cards and gave fake shots filled with saline. So if you’re a doctor who likes to lie to his patients and use them as experiments, the U.S. Attorney General is on your side. More: NBC News

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending we thought we would all just share a big laugh at our idiot fucking president. Because we promise you the rest of the world is doing it. Last night, Trump took part in the trophy presentation for Chelsea after they won the Club World Cup. And then he wouldn’t leave. What a fucking dunce!

Note 20: And on that sad and hilarious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a great weekend. This week is probably gonna blow, but at least we have lots and lots of video of Trump and Vance making fools of themselves to make us smile. And Stephen Miller is a fascist cuck. LOL. Love y’all!

Killer Kristi lies
The New York Times reported this weekend that the poor residents of Kerrville, Texas were calling FEMA for help and their calls weren’t being answered. Between that and the 72-hour delay to get search-and-rescue teams on the ground, Kristi Noem fucked this up royally. But instead of taking responsibility like a decent human being, she just went on Meet the Press and lied and claimed “fake news” and that was apparently good enough for host Kristen Welker. But it actually gets worse. Noem used the occasion to tell Americans that they’re on their own when it comes to emergencies and that FEMA will only be there as a backup. We don’t remember them mentioning this during the campaign when they were lying about Biden’s response to Helene. More: NBC News, Politico

Ratio!
Despite fake winning his golf tournament and hanging out at a soccer game where he was booed, Trump actually had a pretty shitty weekend. Why? Because he was best friends with Jeffrey Epstein, he’s covering up Epstein’s crimes and he wants everyone to stop talking about it. In a really funny but horrifying Truth Social post this weekend, Trump told his cult to move on from the Epstein story, calling the dead human-trafficker and child rapist “somebody that nobody cares about.” The cult did not take it well. Trump’s post was actually ratioed by his deranged disciples, and even people like Mike Flynn were warning him that this story won’t go away. We’re all waiting to see if Dan Bongino resigns from the FBI in protest today. But we already know that Trump was Epstein’s best friend and he’s covering up his crimes. Does that mean we’re on the same side as Flynn because we sure as fuck didn’t sign up for that. More: Politico, Mediaite

BOOOOOOO!!!!
They were NOT saying Boo-urns. This weekend both the president and the vice president got a little dose of reality about how America really feels about them, and it was damn cathartic. Juicy Dumpsterdick (JD) Vance and his family got booed at Disneyland, and they absolutely deserved it. Can you imagine the nerve of shit-talking California 24/7, sending troops to occupy it and then showing up with your fucking family to vacation there? BOOOOOOO!!! And no, we don’t give a rat’s ass if this made his kids sad. Speaking of sad kids, Trump got booed to hell and back too. Pretty much every time he was visible at the soccer game Sunday, Trump found out what Americans really think about him. It was so bad that the New York Post had to lie and say he was cheered. We hope these two miserable assheads will continue to show their ugly faces in public so America can boo the living shit out of them. More: The Guardian, The Independent

Today’s clips

The Wall Street Journal editorial board has once again called out Donald Trump’s tariff policies, this time with a pointed summer-themed request. More: HuffPost

A tragedy in Fall River, Massachusetts, as a deadly fire tore through an assisted living facility on Sunday night.

Nine people were killed, and one person remains hospitalized in critical condition, Fall River Fire Chief Jeffrey Bacon said at a press conference Monday morning. He said more than 30 people were taken to area hospitals and dozens of people were rescued over ladders. More: NBC News

Crews on Monday were expected to resume looking for victims of catastrophic flooding in Texas that killed at least 132 people after more heavy rains temporarily paused their search and rescue operations. More: HuffPost

Fox News host Lara Trump is taking heat from social media for a sycophantic interview with her father-in-law, President Donald Trump. More: HuffPost

President Donald Trump is reportedly preparing to unveil a major escalation in U.S. support for Ukraine after growing increasingly frustrated with Russian President Vladimir Putin’s refusal to entertain a ceasefire. More: Mediaite

The Pentagon was forced to scrub and repost a promotional video posted last week after Metallica successfully demanded the removal of one of their songs from Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s “drone dominance” video. More: Mediaite

The latest from Adam

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