Become Ungovernable

It’s Wednesday. There are 139 days until the midterms. Our mission in Georgia is clear, an unintelligent president plays games with intelligence and Trump crashes out over his surrender to Iran.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it never fucked up the Reflecting Pool.

Note: Well, Sexy Patriots, we’re so goddamn mad today that Sam’s face is officially the color of Trump’s gross hands. While the president continues to decompose on the world stage while surrendering to Iran and surrendering our national dignity, he and his thugs are still fucking with the poor people of Minnesota. Look at this dumb shit…

If you didn’t see it, that’s a Trump U.S. Attorney announcing the indictments of 15 Minnesotans for protesting ICE. That limp dick weasel didn’t have anything to say about the men who murdered Renee Good or Alex Pretti, but he sure made clear that this political persecution is a joke that will get thrown out of court just like it did in Illinois. Still, it’s beyond fucked up that this administration thinks that it can murder your neighbors and you should shut the fuck up about it.

Declaring that you want to become ungovernable is not a crime. It’s a natural and very American response to a fascist fuck taking over our country. We’re even thinking about getting it tattooed on our asses. Become on one cheek. Ungovernable on the other. That’s how mad we are. And how big our asses are getting.

So today we’re doing something stupid and inviting these cheap goons to come after us. Why? Because we want to become ungovernable too. This ain’t the America we signed up for. We won’t be ruled like royal subjects who treat our lives as meaningless. So if these dirty motherfuckers are looking for more Americans to take on, we’d like to invite them to come for us too. And then they can kiss our hot asses (where the tattoos are). Fuck Trump. Fuck his attorneys. Viva Minnesota. Y’all have a blessed day. And be ungovernable. More: MPR News

Note two: We did a surprise therapy session yesterday, but Substack fucked it up so there’s no link to share on Substack. Guess we’ll just have to do it again today. How does 4 p.m. ET/1 p.m. PT work? Great! We’ll see you then.

yesterday’s can be found on YouTube

Note three: We hate to show you this because it is horrifying and traumatic, but we still figured you should see it. You should be warned that it’s a story about cops killing a little child. This fucking country. More: Mississippi Free Press

Note four: Just look at Brazil sentencing Bolsonaro’s son to prison and hope that someday we’ll be that cool. More: The Guardian

Note five: We’re gonna talk more about this shit in the news section, but this pretty much sums it up…

Note six: Trump’s plan to be able to cheat in Georgia elections was to put loyalist Burt Jones in as governor. But a billionaire came along and spoiled those plans. It’s still not great, but we just love it when Trump loses like the losing loser that he is. More: HuffPost

Note seven: Did y’all see Messi score a freaking hat trick last night? Dude is like the Grand Canyon — just as good and awe-inspiring as everyone says. (Just a reminder that Brazilian legend Marta is actually the all-time World Cup goals leader.) More: Yahoo Sports

Note eight: By the way, we know that FIFA sucks and Trump sucks and even America kinda sucks right now. But we don’t think you should punish the hard-working players or yourselves by boycotting. If soccer gives you joy, then enjoy the shit out of this. Don’t let them take it from you.

Note nine: Congrats to Aisha Wahab on advancing to a run-off in the race to replace Swalwell. We already like her better. For really, really obvious reasons. More: HuffPost

Note 10: If you’re wondering how the G7 is going, this pretty much sums it up. It’s possible they’re staying away because of his rudeness. It’s also possible that he smells like wide-open butt.

Note 11: There are some big changes happening in D.C. politics. And while we’re grateful for the leaders who have served, change is probably a good thing. More: AP

Note 12: Trump and all his good Christian friends are literally starving children. But at least they fixed the Reflecting Pool. Oh wait. More: ProPublica

Note 13: Speaking of the Reflecting Pool, yiiiiiikes…

Note 14: It’s pretty hilarious that Trump has VP Couchfuck doing a media tour to talk about an Iran deal that everyone hates and Epstein. Keep talking, JD! More: ABC News

Note 15: Kash Patel is very, very bad at his job. But that’s probably why he has it. More: HuffPost

Note 16: Most Americans think their rights are under attack. They’re right of course, but it sure took a lot of dumb shit for them to see it. More: AP

Note 17: We can argue about Graham Platner if we want. Or we can remind everyone that Susan Collins is the fucking worst.

Note 18: Stephen Colbert is a damn genius. This troll of CBS on the way out the door is fucking brilliant. Pay up, CBS! More: HuffPost

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re taking you to the opening of the Obama presidential library. We just want y’all to see all the popular musicians who are gonna be there. Notice how he’s not getting canceled on by Milli Vanilli. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Note 20: And on that fucking hilarious note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week so far. Unless you’re a U.S. Attorney in Minnesota. In that case, we hope your week sucks like you do. Love y’all!

Georgia On Our Mind

Ok, Sexy Patriots, the mission is clear. Trump got his election-denying dumbshit candidate in Rep. Mike Collins and there is no goddamn universe where we can let this asshead beat Jon Ossoff. And btw, Trump is now calling the senator “Os(jerk)off.” Good one, sir. Collins is a right-wing nutjob who exists to kiss Trump’s taint and Ossoff is a generational leader. This shouldn’t be a close race, but it probably will be anyway. So if you’re looking for a Senate candidate to back, take a look at Ossoff.

More: NBC News

Fun and (War) Games

Trump announced on Truth Social this morning that he is pulling his nominee to be Director of National Intelligence from today’s confirmation hearing. The reasons he gave were mostly gibberish, but he said he wants to add to the intrigue. We’ll be sure to remember that if there’s an attack on the United States. Trump is so desperate he’s trying to tie a FISA extension to his dumb elections bill. And it’s clear that he wants to leave his bitchboy Bill Pulte in charge of intel so he can go after Americans who Trump doesn’t like. So yeah, don’t worry about our national security. It’s all going great.

More: The Independent

Art of the Dumbshit

So Trump and JD have a deal, but you’re not allowed to see it. In fact, nobody is allowed to know what’s in it except for Jesse Watters. If this sounds stupid, that’s because it is. With the Republican Party and the Murdoch media empire coming down hard on Trump for his surrender to Iran, ol’ orangey is losing his shit, crashing out, cussing out Obama and already threatening to start bombing again. Seems like a great deal, don’t it? We did notice that Trump acknowledged today that continuing his stupid war would cause a recession. So it appears a crack of reality did find its way to that cracked out asshole. And it explains, in part, why he’s so desperate for a deal that he’s surrendering like the gutless wuss that he is.

More: HuffPost, USA Today

Today’s clips

U.S. Rep. Kevin Hern easily won Oklahoma’s GOP nomination for U.S. Senate on Tuesday, and the race for a new governor in the deeply conservative state began with Republicans Gentner Drummond and Mark Mazzei advancing to a runoff. More: AP

MONTGOMERY, Ala. (AP) — U.S. Rep. Barry Moore won the Republican runoff Tuesday for Alabama’s open U.S. Senate seat, advancing to the fall election with the help of President Donald Trump’s endorsement. More: AP

WASHINGTON (AP) — Cameron Hamilton, President Donald Trump’s nominee to lead the Federal Emergency Management Agency, is facing questions from senators Wednesday as he seeks to run an agency roiled by the administration’s threats to dismantle it. More: AP

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Federal Reserve will enter the Kevin Warsh era Wednesday, as President Trump’s pick to lead the central bank oversees his first policy meeting and holds his first news conference. More: AP

BRUSSELS, June 17 (Reuters) - Other NATO members have increased their contributions to the alliance’s crisis forces to fill many of the gaps left by U.S. cuts to its commitments, NATO chief Mark Rutte said on Wednesday. More: HuffPost

Vice President JD Vance seemingly auditioned to be a Fox News host on Tuesday, spending a full TV hour with the panelists at “The Five” where he introduced a segment and ate a slice of cake with them to wrap up the program. More: HuffPost