Todd Blanche is a bad lawyer joke.
He’s so crooked, he twists his pants on in the morning. Snakes don’t bite him out of professional courtesy. He’s only lying when his lips are moving. And the only difference between him and a vulture is that the vulture doesn’t get frequent flyer miles.
Oh and the vulture isn’t a soulless hack who’s hellbent on bringing chaos and violence to America by interfering in our elections.
It really makes us wish we had an actual vulture for an Attorney General. Instead, we have Blanche, the man Trump credits openly and repeatedly as the guy who kept him out of jail. Having succeeded in that, Blanche has now turned his attention to trying to help Trump pull off his next clumsy, crazy and anti-American coup attempt.
This week, Blanche refused to rule out interfering with states’ rights to certify their own elections, saying there could be a “doomsday scenario” that he hasn’t foreseen.
“Of course, there’s scenarios that we can all come up with hypothetically, you know, some doomsday scenario, for example, right?” Blanche said, according to multiple reports. “So, I don’t think it’s proper to make any kind of conclusory statements about what’s going to happen in the future, because I have no idea what’s happening in the future.
“Of course, I’m not going to say that,” he said. “But am I planning my days around the election to be somewhere to not certify? Of course not, no, not at all.”
The very next day, the Justice Department filed a lawsuit against Alaska. Trump immediately took credit for it, telling reporters he instructed Blanche to file the suit. They want to be able to rule the election illegal because there are two people named Dan Sullivan on the ballot. They’re worried their voters are too goddamn stupid to figure out which one to vote for. The stupid part is probably a legitimate concern. The rest is not.
On Sunday, Blanche and Trump were pressed about the suit. They couldn’t find any kind of legal rationale, so they resorted to whining about confusion and fairness.
When CNN’s Dana Bash gently reminded Blanche that the last time Trump played these bullshit games, the terrorist attack on the Capitol happened, Blanche interrupted and dismissively waved her away, refusing to honestly engage in the facts Bash offered.
“You’re not being a real person,” Blanche told her.
We don’t know what that means. We’re not Dana’s biggest fans, but we happily concede that she exists. And that she’s right to bring up Jan. 6. Frankly, we think she should have reminded Blanche about the 100-plus cops were beaten and bloodied on that shameful day, but this was a decent start.
Regardless, Blanche has revealed himself to the American people fully and early. His norm-busing raids on U.S. Rep. Ilhan Omar and state Sen. Louise Lucas make clear that he is nothing more than Trump’s henchman, willing and eager to use DOJ to try and snuff out the will of the American people.
That’s the good news though. We know what their plan is. We know how clumsy and weak it is. We don’t have to wait in suspense to wonder if or how they’ll try and cheat. They’re laying it out for us, and it’s laughable.
That said, we understand perfectly if you don’t find it funny. We don’t either.
That’s why we take comfort in seeing just how desperate these assholes are. Instead of talking about what they’ve accomplished for the American people, they’re using the 10 days before an election to start whining and cheating and probably pissing off a lot of undecided voters in the process.
We know of at least one Alaskan who is furious about the shit Trump and Blanche are trying to pull, and she just happens to be a U.S. Senator who might be willing to break with her party for good if Trump and his goon go too far. Especially if Trump keeps attacking her like he did this weekend.
At this point, we have all seen this movie before. It’s one of many reasons we call Trump a fascist. He wants to destroy our democracy and rule as an authoritarian. We know what’s coming. And we know what we have to do.
So keep doing what you’re doing. You’ve got them so scared that they’re announcing their plans to try and cheat more than a week before Election Day.
And if we do what we need to do, then a Democratic Congress can haul Blanche’s crooked ass up to Capitol Hill and show everyone what a bad lawyer joke he really is.
Blanche is the poster child every law school should use as an example of WHAT NOT TO DO!
Even better call saul knew better! and he was fictional!
What is the difference between Todd Blanche and a catfish?
One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger and the other is a fish! 🐟