Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. And it’s inviting Trump to tour its ballroom if you know what we mean.
Note: Sexy Patriots! You made it through another stupid and horrifying week in a country that would clearly try to fuck an electric fence if it had a weiner. We are in the freak-out zone where every word and utterance seems to have an outsized impact on the upcoming elections. People are voting, we’re all doing the work and Republicans are sucking butt. It’s a lot.
That’s why today we wanted to start by giving you a gift. We know how stressed you are, we know how hard you’re working and we know how important it is to you to be in this fight. That’s why it is our distinct pleasure to share with you the funniest fucking thing in the history of the world. Please enjoy The Humiliation of George Santos…
Looking good, George! We were already in one of those laugh attacks where we couldn’t breathe, and then that dumb sonofabitch fell back in the water and we totally peed ourselves. Prison would have been less embarrassing for that sack of shit.
And while that is hilarious and we will definitely watch it like 200 more times, it’s also a great metaphor for the Republican Party these days. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s just funny to watch a corrupt asshole eat shit. Yeah, that’s it. We don’t have a message today. So we’re just gonna point and laugh at George Santos. Y’all have a blessed day. More: Instagram
Note two: How about some more therapy? Sweet! Let’s do a sesh at 4 p.m. ET/1 p.m. PT. Sound good? Great. See you then.
Note three: Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson is speaking out, and we are so here for it. It just sucks that she has to do this alone. More: Politico
Note four: It really sucks that nobody can afford hamburger or gas, but at least the Trump kids are having a blast with their communist friends. More: HuffPost
Note five: This motherfucker came to NYC yesterday and trashed the city’s mayor and his wife. We hate Bibi almost as much as he hates American voters. Let’s definitely give him more money and bombs.
Note six: We mentioned this story yesterday, but man it is beyond fucking batshit insane that the American people are paying for Trump’s creepy ads. More: HuffPost
Note seven: One of the people who was actually shot in Butler, Pa. died yesterday. We say actually shot because Trump was hit by glass. More: NBC News
Note eight: We’re at a place in the calendar where Democratic candidates are going to do and say shit that makes our fucking blood boil. If they win, it was worth it. If they don’t, well, then they have to live with shit like this. More: HuffPost
Note nine: We’re glad to see this story about Muslims in America pushing back against all the hate Republicans are sending their way. But let’s be honest. It ain’t just Republicans. More: AP
Note 10: This is not only really fucking funny, but it’s also why we have a real shot in Texas…
Note 11: Speaking of Texas, it is so wild to see Republicans panicking there. They just dropped $100 million to try and save Paxton’s scummy ass. More: Texas Tribune
Note 12: It took way too fucking long, but Crystal Mason is finally a free woman. If she had just attacked the Capitol or hung out on Epstein Island, she would have been cleared much sooner. More: The Guardian
Note 13: This is horrible and it should be getting way more attention. Can you imagine how it would have been covered if Obama or Biden had tried to throw a pregnant white congresswoman in prison just for doing her job?
Note 14: Pope Leo once again made Trump look like a dunce. Though to be fair, Trump doesn’t really need any help with that. More: HuffPost
Note 15: The great Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine has a new album out today. He described it as being filled with anti-nazi, anti-racist songs, so we are totally in. More: Louder Sound
Note 16: Trump was very angry that the press weren’t covering the massive blowjob he gave Xi. Did he just fucking forget that he kicked them out?! More: HuffPost
Note 17: THANK YOU to everyone who showed up to protest that gross dictator and his Chinese friend…
Note 18: The right-wing California sheriff who stole a bunch of ballots has been ordered to give them back. He was also ordered to fuck off and eat shit but that one came from us. More: AP
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, it’s DOLLY DAY!!! We hope you do something wonderful for yourself or someone else today to keep the memory of the great Dolly Parton alive and well. We’re gonna go kidnap Dabney Coleman and keep him tied up with a leather dog collar on. Just kidding. Dabney’s dead too.
Note 20: And on that sweet but twisted note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all have the best weekend. And if you’re having a hard time, just remember that it could be worse. You could be George Santos. Love y’all!
The GOP’s Iran War
Democrats forced another vote in the Senate yesterday to try and end the war in Iran. Republicans and John Fetterman voted to keep the war going. For all their bullshit talk about needing to bring the war to an end, Republicans made clear yesterday they will not do anything to limit Trump’s power or protect our troops. Side note: This was a close vote and if Sen. Angela Alsobrooks had been at work, she could have forced JD Vance to break the tie. We don’t know what has been going on with Senate Democrats, but man it sure is fucking demoralizing. We wish they all worked as hard as y’all do.
More: CNBC
Assembly Lyin’
That works best if you say it with Sam’s accent. For all the bullshit Abdul El-Sayed has had to endure simply because of his religion, it’s nice to finally see some press coverage about what a heinous anus Mike Rogers is. According to the UAW and a report in the Michigan Advance, Rogers appears to have lied when he claimed he built cars on a Michigan assembly line. The place he says he worked at didn’t assemble cars, the car he claimed to build didn’t exist yet and the UAW says he never joined up. This kind of shit is a big deal in Michigan, and we can’t wait to see Lyin’ Mike explain it.
More: Michigan Advance
One Big Club
Last night, Trump and his billionaire tech friends joined together to celebrate a ruthless dictator at the White House. When Trump wasn’t showing off his grotesque attacks on Biden, he was giving Xi a tour of the ballroom. Guess it’s not that big of a national security secret. Elon, Bezos and even Gavin Newsom’s boss David Ellison were there. The whole thing was really fucking gross and a powerful reminder that the rich and scummy are running this country right now, and they absolutely do not give a flying fuck about the rest of us.
More: The Guardian, The Hill
Today’s clips
The University of Mississippi said Thursday that undergraduate students from Colorado and Georgia died this week in cases that sparked renewed concerns about kratom. More: NBC News
WASHINGTON (AP) — President Donald Trump is taking Chinese President Xi Jinpingto visit the National Archives on Friday, showing off the sacred texts of U.S. democracy to the leader of the world’s most powerful communist country to cap off a three-day state visit criticized for being heavy on pomp and light on substance. More: AP
It’s already been an intense hurricane season in the Pacific Ocean — and there’s still quite a ways to go. More: AP
WASHINGTON (AP) — For decades, a key principle underpinned civil rights enforcement in American schools: Not all discrimination was intentional.
Even if a school policy was written without overt racial bias, it might unfairly hurt one group of students over another, the understanding went. The concept is known as systemic racism, and Republican and Democratic administrations agreed: Schools and universities that received federal funding had an obligation to address it.
Under President Donald Trump’s administration, that’s no longer the case. One by one, the administration has limited the remedies schools can use to address systemic racial injustice. More: AP
Lashing out at his country’s critics, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu angrily dismissed allegations of Israeli genocide in Gaza as “the biggest lie of the century” in a defiant speech to the U.N. General Assembly that asserted his nation’s right to wage war against Iran. Scores of delegates trooped out of the hall in protest. More: AP
New Jersey’s governor called on her hand-picked lieutenant governor to resign by Friday after a law firm hired by her office concluded he behaved inappropriately around women. More: AP
NEW YORK (AP) — Irish rockers U2 will release their first full-length album of new material in nine years — the 12-track “Carnaval De Luz,” which will feature a song with Dolly Parton. More: AP
Even if we could afford the hamburger, we probably shouldn't eat it, since we have no idea where it came from!
Thank you for sharing the George Santos video proving there are some things you can't fake your way through. Plus it made me laugh.