Another Elon Explosion

It’s Tuesday. There are 133 days until the midterm elections. Trump’s actual healthcare plan, CBS is in freefall and Maine heats up.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But probably not as much as Milwaukee Bucks’ fans.

Note: Howdy, Sexy Patriots! We’ve got great news today. It seems the fever has broken and sanity and decency have returned to the United States. Nah, we’re just kidding. Everything is still stupid and royally fucked up. But at least Elon Leon Musk is being humiliated…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! BOOM!!!! The shares dropped 16 percent on Monday. LOLOL!!! It’s almost like people are starting to realize that the South African nazi con-artist is completely full of shit. We ain’t going to Mars, we ain’t buying home robots and we ain’t forgetting that fucking weirdo is responsible for lots and lots of death and suffering. Frankly, we’d be fine if his next rocket blew up in his living room. Or if he ate bad sushi and shat himself into oblivion.

But not yet. First, we want to see him go through with his empty threat to sue Ro Khanna over the truth that Elon Leon is a mass murderer. And then when he doesn’t do that, he can ride a rocket to hell or just shove one up his freakshow ass. We’re good either way. Y’all have a blessed day. And don’t invest in SpaceX. More: CNBC

Note two: It’s a big Election Day! Are people voting where you live? If so, then you should join them and not vote for any fucking assholes. More: Bolts Mag

Note three: Trump is threatening to sue ABC again over their reporting on his bullshit Reflecting Pool lies. Let’s hope they don’t roll over like cowards this time. More: CNBC

Note four: We now know Trump’s nickname for Steven Chenug. We still think he should just go by THE UGLIEST MOTHERFUCKER TO EVER HAUNT THIS PLANET. More: HuffPost

Note five: Having a rough week? Well get some of this shit. It’ll set you right…

Note six: Check on your friends in Milwaukee. They might not be ok after their basketball team traded away a superstar last night. More: Bleacher Report

Note seven: Maybe someday a reporter will ask Trump about his deranged obsession with Barack Obama. Wouldn’t that be nice? More: HuffPost

Note eight: Great news as Trump and Couchfuck got Iran to agree to allow nuclear inspectors in. If you’re thinking that Obama already got that, you’re right. If you’re also thinking that Trump is a fucking moron. You’re right about that too. More: NBC News

Note nine: Tucker Carlson says he’s leaving the Republican Party. This will leave him more time to strangle puppies and go fuck himself. More: NBC News

Note 10: Ya know how Trump likes to say that Biden didn’t know what was going on? Well here’s Trump signing things he doesn’t understand with words he can’t pronounce…

Note 11: Trump and Hegseth are asking for another $80 billion for their stupid goddamn war. We sure hope the answer from Capitol Hill is FUCK NO. More: AP

Note 12: Remember how Spencer Pratt was going to move out of L.A. after he lost? Well he hasn’t. Because he’s a fucking liar. And he seems to think Karen Bass should be fighting fires with her own hands. Sure isn’t hard to figure out what’s going on here.

NO LINK

Note 13: Put on your detective hats! While we were writing this morning, we came across this mystery story. Who could it be? Where you at, Tapper?

Note 14: How gross is Elon? Even Melania didn’t want him sleeping at the White House. And she slept with Trump at least once! More: HuffPost

Note 15: This Nancy Guthrie story is just torture. Do we even have a goddamn FBI anymore? Oh right. More: AP

Note 16: A judge called bullshit on Trump’s war against Tim Walz. It really is stunning the way a president has tortured Minnesota and largely been given a free pass for it. More: AP

Note 17: Jessica Tarlov for the win!

Note 18: We want to wish the best to ESPN badass Linda Cohn, who just announced her retirement. She was there at the start, and she’s hosted Sportscenter more than anyone else. We will miss her. So will ESPN. More: ESPN

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we just wanted to pass along this video we saw of Stevie Wonder. Enjoy!

Note 20: And on that freaking awesome note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope your week is off to a good start and that you didn’t invest in SpaceX or kill millions of people in Africa. Because only an asshole would do that shit. Love y’all!

BONUS HAPPY ENDING: We’re now in the mood for more Stevie, so here ya go…

More: YouTube

TrumpCare

So we’ve been waiting the longest two fucking weeks in history for Trump to show us his healthcare plan. And while we’ve been waiting, that piece of shit has been making sure fewer Americans have access to healthcare. In the last year, more than 5 million people have fallen off the rolls while the dipshit-in-chief built himself a new ballroom and started some wars. This is an American tragedy and should be a national embarrassment. But unfortunately, we have lots of both right now.

More: NBC News

CBSucks

Bari Weiss is not doing a good job. Unless her job is to destroy CBS and its reputation. And it might well be. According to the media reporters at Status, CBS Mornings is joining the rest of the network in tanking. The report said that the morning show is on pace to have its worst June ever and that’s after its worst May ever. People left in masses after Scott Pelley was fired from the network. They’re so desperate that they’ve started sending Tonky D-whateverhisnameis to swear that he’s independent and was just joking around when he closed a show by saluting Marco Rubio. What a shitshow. Actually, a shitshow would have better ratings.

More: Status

The Maine Event

We don’t know if Graham Platner can or will win in Maine, but we know he sure has Susan Collins rattled. Susan, whose health appears to be on the same track as Mitch McConnell’s, did her first interview since the primary, joining Fox News for what was a taped interview. Collins does not look well, and she is really struggling to answer questions and lie about her support for Brett Kavanaugh. She and her party really want this race to be about Platner and his time online, so we are thrilled to see this race focusing (at the moment) on Susan’s role in overturning Roe v. Wade.

More: bsky.app

Today’s clips

President Donald Trump’s new acting director of national intelligence, Bill Pulte, began purging staff members at the office Monday, a source familiar with the matter confirmed to NBC News. More: NBC News

Just days after the ticker-tape parade celebrating the New York Knicks’ NBA championship, New Yorkers are gearing up for another major contest: Tuesday’s primaries, featuring several intense battles between Democratic members of Congress and upstart challengers. More: NBC News

NEW YORK (AP) — A sell-off in big technology companies spread from Asia back to the U.S., pulling the Nasdaq composite down 2.2% in early trading. The growing likelihood of interest rate hikes coming up this year has helped deflate a massive run-up in AI-related stocks in recent days as traders worry that the higher rates could hamper economic growth. The S&P 500 fell 1.5% early Tuesday. The index is coming off 11 weekly gains out of the last 12, led largely by tech stocks. Micron Technology slumped 12%. The Dow, which has less weighting in tech, held up better with a decline of 0.6%. More: AP

Maryland Democrats are choosing their U.S. House nominees in a handful of consequential and contentious primaries Tuesday, including a battle between a congresswoman and her predecessor and a crowded race to replace retiring Rep. Steny Hoyer. More: AP

NEW YORK (AP) — The top U.S. auto regulator opened an investigation Monday after a Tesla using an automated driving feature slammed into a Texas home at high speed and killed a 76-year-old woman standing inside. More: AP