Abolish ICE (and Susan Collins)

It’s Tuesday. There are 112 days until the midterm elections. Ghislaine Maxwell’s Todd Blanche would be a disaster, Lindsey’s sister gets a new job and we really need to beat Susan Collins.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it never voted to fund ICE like an asshole.

Note: Buckle your seatbelts and put on your helmets, Sexy Patriots, because things are about to somehow get dumber. And yes, that’s dumb with a B. The president of the United States is planning a Thursday night address to the nation, in which he will use bullshit intelligence that was too looney for Tulsi Gabbard to accuse foreign nations of rigging the 2020 election. He’s even reportedly going to claim that Sens. Ossoff and Warnock are illegitimate. Our response? Go ahead and make our day.

Trump is a loser. And the American people who aren’t Fox News or in the White House press know that. So listening to Cankles McDumbfuck rant and whine about idiotic conspiracies ain’t going to help him. In fact, it’s going to give away his whole game. Hell, he might even make Ossoff president. We want the American people to see what a dangerous nutjob stupid shit Trump is. Apparently he does too.

Our only challenge here is the corporate-owned mainstream media who insist on kissing orange ass even when that orange ass is sending them subpoenas. We’re gonna need them to step up. None of that “falseshood” business. We don’t even want them to call what Trump is doing lying. No, they need to break the glass and call it what it is — DUMB AND DESPERATE HORSESHIT. Now show us a paper that puts that in the headline, and we’ll show you two new subscribers. Or hey, maybe they could just do their goddamn jobs without us having to beg.

Regardless of how dumb and scary this gets, remember that we’ve beat this asshole before and we will do it again. And if you’re worried he’s going to get away with it, just take a look at how he’s handled Iran and the Reflecting Pool. We got this. Y’all have a blessed day. More: CNBC

Note two: Why are we so hard on the media? It has now been six days since Trump’s Supreme Court refused to take up Trump’s appeal in the E. Jean Carroll case, making it official that he is a sexual abuser. He has received exactly zero questions about it. DO FUCKING BETTER!

Note three: Lindsey Graham is still dead.

Note four: America is still at war. But according to the White House, this is a new war against Iran. Does that mean Trump lost the first one? More: HuffPost, The Hill

Note five: Literally blew up. Goddamnit that is hilarious. The more we watch Trump eulogize Lindsey, the more we realize how lucky we are to be this guy’s enemies instead of his friends.

Note six: While you’re struggling to fill your gas tank and put food on the table, Trump is minting coins with his fugly fucking face on them. If this doesn’t piss off America, then we don’t know America. More: HuffPost

Note seven: How stupid is Trump? Inflation was finally starting to go down when he started his war up again. So very, very stupid. More: NBC News

Note eight: THANK YOU to District Judge Kathleen Williams for calling bullshit on Trump’s deal with the IRS. Can she also be Senate Minority Leader? More: NBC News

Note nine: We are still waiting for answers on what happened to Nolan Wells, and we’re not going to let this go. More: WFSB

Note 10: James Talarico is calling out ICE, and we are so fucking here for it…

Note 11: Who are you rooting for today? It’s France, right? Gotta be France. More: The Guardian

Note 12: A lot of y’all are getting smacked by a heatwave. Please be safe and drink lots of water. And if you’ve got an old slip-and-slide, break that fucker out. Just remember to watch out for rocks and lawn darts. More: AP

Note 13: Elena Kagan and Amy Coney Barrett are testifying on Capitol Hill today. Someone should ask Barrett why she lied about Roe being settled law. More: USA Today

Note 14: Dave Matthews turned out to be a real one. We fucking love that he’s as pissed off as we are. Who knew? More: The Independent

Note 15: We don’t know the people who are doing this stuff, but we sure respect their game.

Note 16: HUGE props to New York Gov. Kathy Hochul, who just signed the nation’s first data center moratorium. This is obviously the right thing to do for lots of reasons, but it also pissed off John Fetterman so we really love it. More: The Hill

Note 17: We forgot to say this earlier but fuck every network that takes Trump live Thursday night. Fuck ‘em right in the ear.

Note 18: We doubt Trump reads the Palm Beach Post or really anything, but he should check out the reader who blasted him for getting his “stink” all over the World Cup. More: HuffPost

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re taking you into the future. Ok that sounds a little dramatic. We’re just really excited about this movie coming out. “Keep firing, assholes!”

Note 20: And on that exciting note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope your week is off to a good start. Because you know Trump is gonna try to ruin it for you. Because he’s a giant asshole and that’s just what he does. Love y’all!

Beat Back Blanche

Todd Blanche is appearing before the Senate Judiciary Committee this week for his hearing to be confirmed as Attorney General. It’s on Senate Democrats to make sure this man eats every last bit of his role in the Epstein cover-up. Inviting Epstein victims to testify is a big step in the right direction, but they really need to leave a mark on this dude. He needs to be known to the nation as the Epstein guy or we have failed. Make vulnerable Senate Republicans vote for the Epstein guy. If we sound worried, it’s only because we’ve been watching Dick Durbin for the last hundred years and we are not impressed. Still, hope springs eternal. Give him hell, Senate Dems. Or don’t bother asking us for money.

More: Politico

Meritocracy!

South Carolina got a new U.S. Senator and the voters there didn’t even get a chance to weigh in. Lindsey Graham’s sister, Darlene, is now the senator from South Carolina. She has no qualifications and no business being in the Senate, but that’s just how the Republican Party rolls these days. But this is what Trump wanted, so who cares what the voters want, right?

More: The Guardian

The Maine Event

Ok so the Graham Platner shit was a nightmare. But we still really, really need to beat Susan Collins. We were reminded of the urgency yesterday when ICE agents murdered Joan Sebastian Guerrero in front of his young daughter. They then lied about it just like they lied about their other murders. Guerrero was in the country legally. Protesters swarmed Collins’s office in Maine and blamed her for the murder. They’re right to do so. Susan just voted to give ICE another $70 billion. She has blood on her hands. So can we please find a candidate to beat her ass?

More: WMTW, Raw Story

Today’s clips

The price of crude oil on global markets continued to surge Tuesday, with international oil benchmark Brent rising for a second straight day to more than $87 per barrel, the first time since June it has traded at that price. More: NBC News

President Donald Trump on Monday sharply reduced the size of two national monuments in Utah, undoing protections established by former presidents on public lands that are sacred among many Native Americans. More: NBC News

WASHINGTON (AP) — Federal Reserve Chair Kevin Warsh said in written testimony Tuesday the Fed will make high inflation “a thing of the past,” yet provided no signal about the central bank’s next steps. More: AP

Federal prosecutors turned over key evidence long sought by Minnesota investigators in their ongoing probe into the fatal shootings of Renee Good and Alex Pretti during pitched protests against an immigration enforcement crackdown earlier this year, state prosecutors announced Monday. More: AP

NEW YORK (AP) — Twelve states sued to block Paramount’s takeover of Warner Bros. Discovery on Monday, arguing that the $81 billion merger would “extinguish competition” in Hollywood and lead to fewer choices for consumers across the U.S. More: AP

President Donald Trump had an odd response on Monday when asked what he knows about the health of Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), who released a photo and statement over the weekend after nearly a month of silence during a lengthy hospitalization. More: HuffPost