A November to remember
It’s Monday. There are 365 days until the midterm elections, AND THIS YEAR’S ELECTIONS ARE TOMORROW! RIP to 60 Minutes, Kash crashes out and it’s about that time.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But it didn’t wreck Lincoln’s shitter.
Note: Sexy Patriots! It’s so great to be with you on this big election week. We sure hope you had a lovely Halloween weekend. We know we did. Except for the parts where we totally lost our shit because the president of the United States had a gross fucking Great Gatsby party at his South Florida orgy palace at the same time he was starving millions of Americans. Yeah, our rage (and candy consumption) was off the charts…
Um yikes. Maybe the Epstein guy should have gone with a different theme. It really was a truly disgusting and out-of-touch display that the media largely ignored because it wasn’t Obama ordering Grey Poupon (this was actually a thing). We were seriously about to throw our phones in a goddamn lake when we realized something profound — Trump is partying with his scumbag STD-soaked buttlicks because he ain’t welcome on the campaign trail.
Yeah, Obama and Kamala were out campaigning for Democratic candidates this weekend. Because they are cool and liked. But Trump sucks and poll after poll shows that Americans are belatedly remembering that they don’t actually like this asshole. CNN this morning has his approval at 37/63. In NBC, it’s 43 percent. CBS/YouGov and the Washington Post have it at 41 percent. And the Economist has it at 39 percent. Trump’s about as popular as turds in a trick-or-treat bag, and the media needs to start acting like it.
So let’s send a real message and win some elections tomorrow while scumfuck parties with his army of botox zombies. America hates Trump, and it’s about time he learned that. Y’all have a blessed day. More: CNN
Note two: Speaking of out-of-touch, did you see that piece of shit also remodeled the Lincoln bathroom? Thank goodness people can eat tacky marble, right More: Yahoo
Note three: Trump is doing phone rallies today for New Jersey and Virginia. We think he should go in person. And the fact that he won’t really says it all. More: ABC News
Note four: Trump said last night that he is better looking than Zohran Mamdani. Trump isn’t even better looking than Zohran Mandani’s righteous butthole. More: HuffPost
Note five: Speaking of Mamdani, we couldn’t find a clip to put here, but he was DJing at a gay bar late Saturday night and then at church on Sunday morning. Folks, this is how you fucking campaign. More: TMZ
Note six: Nancy Mace got busted for screaming and being a total diva to the cops who were supposed to escort her at the airport. She even went on Fox to confirm it. Hey at least she wasn’t hanging out in bathrooms again.
Note seven: The Trump administration has until today to respond to a judge’s order to release back-up SNAP funds. Of course Trump could have just done the right thing and released the funds this weekend. But he was busy partying. More: NBC News
Note eight: This is about to become the longest government shutdown ever. The Republican Party has refused to negotiate with Democrats, and we have held the line (to our great and pleasant surprise). The American people know who is in charge. Hold the line. More: Associated Press
Note nine: Nicki Minaj sure seems to love Trump. It’s why we hate her. And her cousin’s balls. More: HuffPost
Note 10: We can’t decide if this is hilarious or horrifying. Both probably.
Note 11: Trump said he feels very “badly” about the whole Prince Andrew thing. But you won’t be surprised to hear that he didn’t mention the victims. Hmmmmm. More: NBC News
Note 12: So it looks like we’re getting wars with both Venezuela and Nigeria. Thank goodness America elected the peace guy who attacked his own capital. More: BBC
Note 13: You see they are gassing us to protect us. Do we have that right?
Note 14: It seems like every damn day we see some horrible footage of Trump’s goons roughing up Americans. They even fucking shot a food bank worker. And Trump says they’re not going far enough. More: HuffPost
Note 15: Congrats to the Dodgers on winning the World Series. We’re sure they’ll break our hearts and go to the White House again, but LA has been through hell this year and the people really needed this. We are sorry to Canada for continuing to hurt you but what an exciting series. More: ESPN
Note 16: Another RFK freakshow is out at FDA after it became clear that he was a corrupt freakshow. Well-oiled machine over there, right? More: NBC News
Note 17: And speaking of the brainworm butthead, thank you to his neighbors for this hilarity…
Note 18: We really, really, really need people to vote tomorrow. Give it all you got!!! More: NBC News
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we want to send some love to the editors of People magazine who are somehow nailing this moment far better than any other legacy media.
Note 20: And on that welcome note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all had a Happy Halloween and are ready to rock the vote tomorrow. We also hope everyone at that Gatsby party feels a burning sensation when they pee. Love y’all!
So sad
Last night 60 Minutes had Norah O’Donnell interviewed Trump, and it was exactly what you thought it would be. First of all, CBS edited the interview and we know from Trump that’s not allowed, so congrats to Kamala Harris on her lawsuit against CBS. Second, Norah and CBS edited out the part where Trump praises Bari Weiss (without knowing her name) and essentially takes credit for the new and neutered news channel. It was nice to see fuckhead squirm over pardons and grocery prices, but it was a gutless interview that allowed Trump to lie to Americans nonstop. It really is a fucking shame to see CBS and 60 Minutes fall this far. Guess we’re the media now. More: Mediaite, Mediaite II, Mediaite III
Kash Krashes
Last week it came to light that Kash Patel is using the FBI plane to ferry his girlfriend to concerts. It was so bad that Kash actually fired someone at the FBI he accused of leaking the story, and then he had the plane removed from flight trackers. So what did Kash do to contain the fallout? Well he lost his shit on twitter of course. Easily the funniest part was where he wrote that it was ok for him to help her out because she’s a “rock solid conservative” who has “done more for this nation than most will in ten lifetimes.” LOLOL. We’re not sure that sleeping with a ugly loser counts as serving our nation, but we get what you mean, bro. More: Independent
Let’s do this
By the time you get tomorrow’s edition of this cussing newsletter, the polls will have already been open for a few hours. And hopefully we’ll be all over them. With the forces of fascism having a moment, we can no longer afford to take our free elections for granted. We have to vote like this could be our last one because it could be. We have to stop this madness, and the best way we can do that right now is to send a great big fucking message. So please vote. Please encourage other people to vote. Let’s leave it all out on the field and make this a happy week. We can do this, y’all! More: NBC News, Bolts Mag
Today’s clips
Martha Layne Collins, the first and only woman elected governor of Kentucky, died on Saturday. She was 88. More: HuffPost
Indiana University has backtracked on its decision to cut future Indiana Daily Student print editions for the rest of the school year. The university has also abandoned its initial illegal directive prohibiting the IDS from printing news. MoerIDS News
Critics on Sunday slammed President Donald Trump for claiming he doesn’t know Changpeng Zhao, the Binance cryptocurrency exchange founder he pardoned less than two weeks ago. More: Huff Post
Trump’s attention, however, was elsewhere, this weekend. Just hours before these food assistance benefits were set to lapse, President Donald Trump hosted a lavish “Great Gatsby”-themed Halloween party at Mar-a-Lago, with the theme: “A little party never killed nobody.” And on Friday, he posted dozens of photos on social media about his fancy renovation of the Lincoln bathroom in the White House. More: NBC News
Matt Gaetz, the former Florida congressman and short-lived attorney general nominee-turned One America News Network host, suffered a brutal put-down at the hands of the X community over the weekend. More: Mediaite
A Michigan defense lawyer is disputing FBI Director Kash Patel’s allegations that his 20-year-old client and four other young suspects were planning to carry out a terror attack on Halloween weekend. More: Associated Press
I’m glad cross eyed Kash has a girlfriend-can you imagine what he’d be like if he wasn’t getting laid?
tRump's failing memory is a joke. He knows that admitting the facts about things that just happened have to be postponed until he can get help with the narrative from Miller or Musk to shape the story. In the meantime create a diversion to change the subject.