A big, blue shift

It’s Wednesday. There are 335 days until the midterm elections. Trump made jobs go bye-bye, Sabrina Carpenter schools the White House and Tennessee scares the GOP.

Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But George Will never called it a “sickening moral slum.”

Housekeeping note: There won’t be a therapy session today as Adam is traveling but we will let you know when this week we plan on doing it! Love y’all!

Note: Shhhhhhhh!!! Be quiet, Sexy Patriots. You might wake up the president of the United States. And that’s rude to do to someone while they’re going to the bathroom…

Adorable. Bet he’s dreaming about chasing cars. Oh wait. He’s not adorable at all. And he’s probably dreaming about some pretty fucked up shit! And by that we mean he’s definitely dreaming about Ivanka. Ewwww. Yeah, the guy who attacked the last guy as “sleepy,” can’t seem to stay awake these days. Probably because he stays up all night posting QAnon theories, which also doesn’t seem great. Does anyone else remember when the mainstream media thought the health and fitness of the president was the most important story ever LIKE SIX FUCKING MONTHS AGO?!

Yeah, we feel your rage over the double-standard, but we’re going to surprise you here — we say let him sleep. Yeah, quit waking this asshole up. We were gonna announce a whole WAKE UP campaign aimed at America and our narcoleptic nutjob prez, but then we remembered he sucks worse when he’s awake. At least when he’s asleep, he’s not actively hurting anyone or spewing racist shit out of his gross mouth. We assume he still smells like wide-open ass though.

So let the man rest. While it’s true that he’s not working nearly as hard as the diapers he’s wearing, he still gets tuckered out. After all, it must be exhausting being that fucking awful all the time. Y’all have a blessed day.

Note two: How racist was asshead yesterday? Even the New York Times called out his “unapologetic bigotry.” More: New York Times

Note three: We thought Rep. Omar’s response was absolutely perfect. And she’s right. Trump’s obsession with her is creepy as hell. More: Mediaite

Note four: You won’t be shocked to learn that Putin’s bitches didn’t end the war. Trump even sucks at surrendering. More: HuffPost

Note five: This greedy motherfucker heard of Giving Tuesday for the first time yesterday. Worst poker face ever.

Note six: The anti-vaxx freaks are meeting this week. We can’t wait to find out how they’re going to kill more kids. More: NBC News

Note seven: Trump is threatening to starve more Americans. Thank goodness that fucker is a Christian or we’d really be in trouble. More: NBC News

Note eight: That George Will thing is brutal. He calls Hegseth a war criminal without a war. And he’s right. More: Mediaite

Note nine: This drunken racoon is the spirit animal we needed for 2025. And he’s probably our next Secretary of Defense. More: Associated Press

Note 10: They really are the dumbest, most incompetent motherfuckers on the planet. Or they’re nazis. And at this point we think it’s both.

Note 11: Demand Justice is going after John Fetterman and Maggie Hassan for being Trump stooges. Good. Send a message. More: Associated Press

Note 12: The right is upset about a pink sweater. We think it’s pretty cool. Sam wears lots of pink. Because it’s cool and it looks good. Also, if you’re upset about a sweater, then go get some therapy. More: HuffPost

Note 13: Sleepy old child rape guy now says that “affordability is a scam.” LOL. Sharp messaging. Definitely go with that.

Note 14: Look, we’re glad that Larry Summers is tasting some accountability for being an Epstein creep, but we just don’t get why the president of the United States is getting a pass. More: Associated Press

Note 15: Just a reminder that healthcare premiums about to spike for millions of Americans and Republicans are focused on a fucking ballroom. More: Associated Press

Note 16: Jake Tapper is a bitch. That’s the note. More: Mediaite

Note 17: The new Pentagon press corps looks really gross and rapey.

Note 18: It didn’t even occur to us to thank Trump for keeping the hurricanes away. Of course we’ve never shot any puppies in the face either. More: Mediaite

Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, we’re going on down to Georgia. While we didn’t get the big W in Tennessee we all hoped for, we did flip a mayoral seat in Roswell. Big congrats to Mayor-elect Mary Robichaux. Suck it, Kurt Wilson. More: 11Alive

Note 20: And on that victory note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a lovely week. And we changed our minds. Don’t be quiet. Be loud as fuck so that this asshole president knows what’s coming next November. Love y’all!

Ruh-roh
We don’t have credible government jobs reports anymore, so we have to rely on ADP. And ADP says things ain’t good. The payroll processing company said that the economy lost 32,000 jobs last month. But it gets so much worse for small businesses. More than 120,000 people lost their jobs at businesses that have fewer than 50 employees. This is what happens when you build an economy that only benefits 11 assholes at Mar-a-Lago. No wonder they had a cabinet meeting to tell us that next year will be better. Sure, Jan. More: CNBC

We stan Sabrina
The White House loves to rip off the music of popular artists and then use that music as a soundtrack for their evil. Well Sabrina Carpenter isn’t having that shit. Carpenter took to twitter to call out the White House for its “evil and disgusting” video. “Do not ever involve me or my music to benefit your inhumane agenda,” Carpenter wrote. And because the White House are a bunch of fucking morons, they decided to fire back and go to war with someone people actually like. It didn’t go great. As Ron Filipkowski pointed out this morning, Carpenter’s original tweet has 71 million views. Oops. More: HuffPost

They scared
Republicans are crowing about their big win in Tennessee last night, but we can smell their fear. Democrat Aftyn Behn came up short in a congressional special election, but she only lost by about 8 points in a district that Trump won by 22. Y’all, that is freaking huge. And despite the centrist pussies who showed up late last night to lecture us all about Behn being too liberal, Democrats showed that we are on the march. After all, a 13-point shift around the country next year would give us the House and maybe even the Senate. So ignore the haters and keep going. We’re taking this country back from the assholes and the cowards who enable them. Thank you to everyone who donated or volunteered to help out in Tennessee. We’ve got ‘em scared. More: NPR, News Channel 5

Today’s clips
The holiday season is here, and with it, a present for fans of end of year data and marketing: Spotify Wrapped is here! And Puerto Rican superstar Bad Bunny has been named its most-played artist for a fourth time, dethroning Taylor Swift. More: Associated Press

After a quiet start, the first American pope appears to be finding his voice. More: NBC News

The Trump administration could expand its travel ban to include as many as 30 countries, according to multiple reports. More: HuffPost

A federal immigration crackdown began Wednesday in New Orleans under an operation that a Homeland Security official said would target violent criminals, expanding the Trump administration’s sweeps that have unfolded in other U.S. cities. More: HuffPost

Sen. Mark Kelly (D-AZ) said he’s received “graphic” and “violent” threats since President Donald Trump called for him and other Democrats to be arrested and put on trial. More: Mediaite

Fox News host Laura Ingraham asked FBI Director Kash Patel about his use of the bureau’s jet to attend various recreational events across the country. More: Mediaite