250 Days
It’s Thursday. There are 250(!) days until the midterms. Kansas attacks trans people, JD attacks Minnesota (again) and it’s time to get serious about this year’s elections.
Be advised: This newsletter uses profanity. But at least it doesn’t whine about snowballs like a total wuss.
Note: Gather round, ye Sexy Patriots. We’re getting out the AltMedia crystal ball today. Watching Trump’s skeevy cabinet dare the American people to start a revolution has us wondering who the hell is going to be the first sleazebag to get canned. Will it be Noem over her affairs? Will it be Marco because he disappears into nothingness from shame? Will it be the brainworm felching guy because oh nevermind.
The answer is all of the above. Our crystal ball tells us that all three of those shitheads will be out of their jobs before the end of April. Crazy that we know that, right? Well we also know what happens next. Because he can’t get anyone confirmed, Trump will create a super-cabinet job that combines DHS, HHS and the State Department. He will call it the Super Duper Secretary. It will be the most important job ever. And it’s going to this guy…
Yikes! Sorry, Sexy Patriots. We were having a little fun with you today. Better than having “fun” with a deer though, right? Aye-O! The truth is we have no idea if this criminal cabinet will ever leave, but we are pretty sure that the Deerfucker is the 2028 Republican nominee. And if we’re honest, that does seem like an upgrade from JD. Even the dead deer thinks so. Y’all have a blessed day.
Note two: If you thought that was bizarre and fun, you’ll want to check out yesterday’s therapy session. And if you saw that the deer-doer was from Muhlenberg County and immediately thought of John Prine, then you are definitely our people. Take a listen here!
Note three: The Epstein stain ain’t going away. Just ask Gross Bill Gates and Gross Larry Summers. Fucking creeps. More: NBC News, The Crimson
Note four: Hillary Clinton is set to fuck up some House Republicans today. It’s ridiculous she’s being dragged into this shit while Trump skates. Bill testifies tomorrow. He’s on his own. More: NBC News
Note five: Sigh. The women’s hockey team was forced to spend more time yesterday talking about Trump and the men’s team while the men’s team went on a “we have daughters” PR tour. Trump really does ruin everything.
Note six: We intentionally moved this story down a little because it will make you cry and it will make you want bloody revenge. Because America is now killing blind men. More: CNN
Note seven: Are we the only ones who had no idea Anne Coulter was still alive? Turns out she still sucks too. More: HuffPost
Note eight: Who do y’all think we’ll attack first? Cuba or Iran? Or a McDonald’s in Topeka that Trump thinks is looking at him funny? More: NBC News
Note nine: The astroturfing is coming from inside the White House. Yeah, a big MAGA account that kisses Trump’s ass nonstop is run by a White House staffer. We’re shocked by the dishonesty. They usually run a pretty clean program. Lol More: Wired
Note 10: Hey, if anyone is looking for the cure for horniness, just check out this clip of Glenn Grothman. By the way, his name autocorrects to Broth Man and that seems apt.
Note 11: Maybe the FBI couldn’t find Nancy Guthrie because Kash Patel fired all the real agents in between using the jet for his good times. This would be quite the scandal under a Democratic administration. More: Associated Press
Note 12: Wait. Lauren Boebert fell at the SOTU and took Claudia Tenney with her?! Where the hell is the video of that? Sounds like the highlight of the night. More: The Daily Beast
Note 13: This is the energy we’re carrying this year. We hope all the Sexy Patriots will join us.
Note 14: The head of Netflix is meeting at the White House today. Yes, this is all corrupt as fuck. And yes, we will boycott the shit out of Netflix if he caves and fires Susan Rice. And we don’t even like Susan Rice that much. More: CNBC
Note 15: We’re going to keep saying it — all the adults in Quakertown, Pa. need to go to jail. More: Associated Press
Note 16: Oops. The White House’s favorite YouTuber (the same little shit who started all this fraud crap in Minnesota) is now pushing a story about a “Jewish invasion” in New Jersey. Who would’ve guessed that the Hitler Youth are Nazis? More: Yahoo
Note 17: When did New York’s finest become such huge pussies? Scared of snowballs? We traded “To Protect and Serve” for “To Bitch and Moan.”
Note 18: Memorial services for Jesse Jackson are starting in Chicago today. Mike Johnson refused to honor him in the Capitol. We wish the reverend peace on his next journey. More: NBC News
Note 19: For today’s Happy Ending, check out these adorable freaking dogs. Because, man, we just needed this today.
Note 20: And on that insanely adorable note, let’s go do some news! We sure hope y’all are having a great week and haven’t been arrested for sexing up deer. But if you did, we can help with the Deer John letter. We’re so sorry. Love y’all!
BONUS NOTE: If you didn’t get the John Prince reference at the beginning, you will after you listen to this old gem…
What’s the matter with Kansas?
When Republicans in Kansas overrode the governor’s veto of a legislative package attacking trans people, it was only a matter of time before the cruelty began. Last night, trans people started getting letters from the state demanding they surrender their drivers’ licenses. Overnight, it became a criminal act for a trans person to drive a car legally in Kansas. This is why it was never fucking ok to side with Republicans even a little bit on the trans stuff (looking at you, Gavin!). Either you believe in dignity and rights for everyone or you don’t. We’re sending love to a lot of scared, sad and angry people this morning.
Leave Minnesota alone
The poor people of Minnesota have been through so much already, but the Trump administration insists on torturing them. Yesterday Couchfuck and “Dr.” Oz went to Minnesota to announce they are illegally cutting off about $260 million in Medicaid funds until Tim Walz does an audit of every single Medicaid claim. So because there was some fraud, Republicans are going to hurt hundreds of thousands of children and seniors. This is some truly sick shit, and we’re pretty sure Minnesotans will remember it if Couchfuck ever runs for president and asks for their votes. More: HuffPost
250 Days
Let’s fucking go, y’all. This is the year we put a stop to the Trump crime spree. We are officially 250 days out from the midterm elections. The good folks at Bolts Mag have put out a handy list of the 75 most important elections in March. Pick your fighters. Get involved. The work starts now. We all know Trump is going to try and cheat in November, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t going to fight like hell. So please take a look at this guide and give some thought to where and how you can help. It’s time to fuck up some nazis at the ballot box, and we start today. More: BoltsMag
Today’s clips
Hunter College said on Wednesday that it placed a professor on leave days after their remarks about Black students surfaced in a local public school meeting. More: NBC News
WASHINGTON — Aliyah Rahman, a Minnesota woman whom Rep. Ilhan Omar, D-Minn., took as her guest to the State of the Union address Tuesday, needed hospital treatment after she was arrested during the speech, Rahman and Omar said. More: NBC News
WASHINGTON (AP) — As the U.S. and Iran head into their next round of nuclear talks in Geneva, a new AP-NORC poll finds that many U.S. adults continue to view Iran’s nuclear program as a threat — but they also don’t have high trust in President Donald Trump’s judgment on the use of military force abroad. More: Associated Press
U.S. Sen. John Fetterman (D) is more popular with Pennsylvania Republicans than with voters in his own party, according to new polling from Quinnipiac University. More: ABC27
During her Senate confirmation hearing Wednesday, Casey Means was caught in a bind between party loyalty and medical truth after Senator Tim Kaine repeatedly asked her about a CBS article in which Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said there is “no evidence” that the flu vaccine prevents serious disease, hospitalizations, or death among children. The overwhelming medical evidence shows that the flu vaccine is safe and effective. More: New Republic
Regarding the “Planned” snowball fight in NYC, this was another example of non-existent deescalation by the police. I am a retired Paramedic that worked in Bed-Stuy Brooklyn in the 1980s. We would get ambushed by snowballs all of the time. One day, for example, driving down Gates Ave., kids were pelting our ambulance with snowballs. We pulled around the corner, made a shitloat of snowballs and returned to the “artillery array” the kids created. Our plan was for me to pop out of the emergency hatch and return fire. I popped my head through the hatch and an older man saw me. He alerted the kids and they fired snowballs at me from all 360 degrees. For every one snowball I could launch, I got pelted by 5 or 6 snowballs. We were all laughing our asses off. Our next drive around that block I held a bandage tied to a splint and we held it out the window. Peace signs were flashed, we were all smiling and laughing, I even shook hands with the older man who ratted me out. No crying, no media coverage, just a couple of civil servants having fun in the community they served.
Putin’s Top Officials Laugh About How Dumb Trump Is
Fetsbruary 26, 2026 at 9:01 am EST By Taegan Goddard 47 Commen
“Vladimir Putin’s top aides are snickering behind Donald Trump’s back because they think the Russian tyrant is playing the MAGA leader like a fiddle,” the Daily Beast reports.
“British spies have repeatedly shared with their U.S. counterparts intercepted calls and texts between ranking Kremlin officials ridden with laughter at what they perceive as Trump’s willingness to take Putin at his word on his invasion of Ukraine.”
Said one UK security official to The Spectator: “We have continually shown them intelligence that shows the Russians are lying. The Russians are privately mocking Trump over his naivety about Putin’s intentions. Putin doesn’t want to end the war.”